Drink Before You Go, Old Sport

In 1940, after years of drinking and generally poor health, writer F. Scott Fitzgerald died suddenly of his third heart attack at age 44. Certainly we can assume that if he were still alive today and could see the latest film adaptation of his classic masterpiece, The Great Gatsby, he would immediately drop dead. Hopefully he would make it through the credits and the opening scene, which made the wearing of the 3-D glasses almost worth the annoyance. (I said almost.) After that--despite the noise and the chaos and the various floating things coming at you, and through it all Gatsby's noisy yellow Duesendorfer or whatever the heck kind of car that was roaring around--it was a battle to stay awake.

I lost that battle several times, but no matter--a few minutes of shuteye here and there throughout this film can only help. To be fair, the bad acting and sappy script were balanced by a hip-hoppy score and plenty of scenes of old New York during the Jazz Age. The story was all about prohibition and illegal booze, so of course everyone was ridiculously drunk constantly--think Animal House with money-- except for Gatsby. As played by Leonardo DiCaprio, the actor was almost too sober the whole time, although since the film's release he has likely been lying drunk on his bathroom floor sputtering, "I'm sorry, old sport, they made me say it. Old sport."

I could go on, but it's not worth it. The bottom line: Read the book.