A Kouple of Krazy Kids

No-visible-talent celebrity Kim Kardashian and her groom Kris are calling it quits--or should I say kalling it kwits-- just 72 days after taking their vows at a wedding that reportedly cost $20 million and which was covered by the fawning press and attended by consenting adults who must have found it an appropriate way to spend an evening. In light of our bleak economy, starving poor and protesting middle class, the sheer waste of money that was squandered on catering, flowers, photographers, dresses, tuxedos and musicians, and a giant place to stick it all, is breathtaking in scope. On the plus side, they certainly stimulated the economy in their neck of the woods that day.

Despite Kim saying she had "hoped the marriage was forever," the divorce is allegedly fueled by an irreconcilable difference of insurmountable size: the two disagreed on where to live. Kris wanted to settle in Minnesota to be near his family and Kim planned to set up shop in California to be near her sisters Kourtney and Khloe and her mom, Kris, not to mention to continue raking in big bucks for willingly sharing her big butt and big boobs with the captivated, albeit moronic, public. I for one am thankful the marriage is ending so soon, saving us from the constant updates of her unhappiness and his philandering, then of her baby bump and his one-night stands, eventually leading to her bad body and his sexual harassment and a rape charge from the nanny. Best of all, we are spared pictures of and stories about little Kandy or Karol or Katy or Kevin or Kira or Kendra or Karl...see, there is a God after all.

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Real Life Sucks

You gotta love my husband. Yesterday he asked, "Who is Kim Kardashian?" His query stemmed from one of his Facebook friends posting the picture above, with the comment: "When I heard the screaming fans outside my door I thought I had finally made it, but it was just Kim Kardashian."

I answered Mitch as best I could, saying she was a reality TV star in a family consisting of three sisters, a mother and a step-father named Bruce Jenner.  Mitch instantly recognized Jenner as a former Olympic athlete and one-time professional ball player. What kind of ball, he was not sure. (Turns out he was a runner who got the gold medal in the decathlon.)

Here's what else I know: They are very rich. The sisters, in their 20's, all have long, dark hair, big facial features, big boobs and even bigger butts. I think they live in California, possibly Orange County. One of them was recently on the cover of People magazine in her wedding gown, which cost something like 20 million dollars, or maybe that was the price of the wedding; I'd believe either. She married a man named Kris. (All their names start with a K: one of the others is named Khloe.) The mother has short black hair and is the cutest of the bunch. The dad, Bruce Jenner, looks freakish from too much plastic surgery and tanning, like a white Michael Jackson towards the end of his life. They dominate the tabloids and the Internet and sometimes even make the mainstream news.

The other day at the supermarket, I overheard the stringy-haired checkout girl say to the girl at the next register, "Kim Kardashian is my idol. I wish I could be her." The other girl answered, "Me too. Real life sucks."