Thank God It's Over

Goodbye 2024, I have not liked you very much. Except for Trump winning back the presidency, it's been sucky. My usual new year's resolution is to lose ten pounds. I never do, so it's basically been the same ten pounds since about 1990. But this year I've decided on a new one: Stop looking at anything online. To make sure, I deleted my Instagram account, the worst offender.

If you spend a consistent amount of time browsing the internet you begin to lose touch with reality, since much of what is on there is false. So many people -- myself included -- are hooked on make-believe lives populated by artificially created people, giving us literally nothing to show for the time spent there. So I figured I might as well read honest-to-goodness fiction, starting with books I have always wanted to read but never have, and maybe become smarter, or at least less dumb. My list follows:

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde

To The Lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky

Princess Diana's Nose

This morning I saw a post online showing Princess Diana visiting a children's hospital somewhere in Africa, looking quite angry. Only it wasn't Princess Diana, instead it was some sort of fake, or deep fake, or AI or virtual lookalike, or whatever we call computer-made images of actual people, dead or alive. The discerning eye can usually tell -- in this case her nose was the giveaway, ending in a perky little upswing like Cheryl Hines, whereas Diana had, despite her unassailable beauty, a long, straight, almost beak-like nose. (See authentic photo above.) But those who don't take the time to really see would assume it to be her.

Naturally many arguments followed in the comment section, with the majority of people insisting it was her and that she had a dark side rarely seen in public, and others saying no way and if you think that's her I have a bridge to sell you in Brooklyn.

The post elicited many questions for me. Like what is the point of AI, why would anyone want to make a fake Princess Diana post, what is the best use of such technology and what is the worst possible outcome if it fully enters the mainstream? Will we have manufactured politicians running for office and running the country? Will human actors become obsolete when movies can be made with fake ones at a fraction of the cost?

I am clinging to reality for as long as possible. Today I had a real slice of toast and two eggs that came from real chickens -- I know because the owner of the chickens is a friend. Eventually might there be fake eggs laid by fake chickens? Or just fake eggs, no chickens needed?

Instead of making things like AI and drones, why can't the smartest people among us who possess enormous abilities focus on a cure for cancer? I mean really, do something useful for a change.
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Mixed -Up Morals

Facebook slapped me on the wrist again today. I was a bad girl and my punishment is that I cannot post any comments on videos until December 31. Boo-hoo.

My infraction? A morbidly obese, to the point of grossness, woman in a hot pink bikini stands before you. She is literally popping out of her garment. Her breasts are ginormous, and her stomach is even bigger. She looks pregnant but isn't. Rubbing her hands sensuously over her protruding stomach and breasts while grinning lasciviously at the camera, she says, "I wish my body were smaller!" 

To which I wrote, "Eat less, you are too fat." (Actually I wrote f a t , trying to fool the bots. They're onto us.) Within seconds the Thought Police sent me a message: I was guilty of bullying which goes against their community standards. But somehow, people posing almost completely nude and twirling around to show us every part -- god forbid we should miss the buttocks -- is A-OK with the powers that be.

I'd like to understand how telling a fat person they are fat is bullying them. In my book you are doing them a favor and possibly saving their life
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Don't Say I Didn't Warn You

WWI poster from 1917

It's happening again, and this is like the third time: My computer is listening to conversations going on in our house, even when it's turned off. How can that be, you ask? As Elaine famously said to Jerry in a memorable "Seinfeld" episode, "Oh, it be!" 

Here's the scoop: For the last few days, maybe a week, I have been experiencing pain along the right side of my neck extending down to my shoulder. This pain comes and goes, sometimes disappearing for almost a whole day. But then it's back again at random times, usually at night just before getting into bed.

Being a complainer -- I am Jewish after all -- I whimper and moan about this pain to my husband when he's home. He tells me it's muscular and that I need to take some ibuprofen, gives me a back rub and suggests I rearrange my bed pillows until I can find a more comfortable position. All good advice -- so good in fact that I have never once googled "neck pain" for treatment suggestions.

Yet starting yesterday I began getting ads on my Facebook page about guess what -- neck pain! Things like, "Are you experiencing neck pain? Try this!" There have been a few ads suggesting, "your pillow might be the problem." To date, ads from three different companies, including one for an electric neck massage device, have shown up. I'm ashamed to admit that last night I ordered a new pillow from one of them. 

WTF? Is there a hidden microphone in our house? Is my brain bugged? How is this happening? It's a good thing I don't walk around saying how much I despise Joe Biden and wish he would pass away, like in a car accident, and take Kamala with him, which is ridiculous since they hate each other and would never be in a car together. Or that I think the government had a hand in the assassination attempt of Trump last summer in Butler, Pennsylvania. And of course JFK and RFK. And the drones. You know, true stuff like that.

Not All Black Lives Matter

Today, somewhere in Colorado, with the temperature hovering at 34 degrees, an infant car seat containing a baby clothed only in a diaper was found abandoned on the median of a busy road. The parents, pictured above, were arrested, proving undeniably that not all black lives matter.

My Real Christmas Letter

Fabulous light display on the LLBean campus!

In my last post, I spoke too soon! Today we received a genuine "Christmas letter" from a friend in the mail, making me want to write mine for real now. And the one we got opened the door for relating information I've never considered before. For example, home repairs are apparently okay to include!

Dear Friends:

This year we installed heat pumps which so far have been less than we hoped. Like we go to sleep and it's 68 degrees in our bedroom and we wake up sweating at three in the morning and it's 75 degrees. Let the buyer beware, that's all I can say. (We have a call in to the heat pump people and are waiting for a call back.) Ever the free-thinkers, we have not installed solar panels on our roof like so many of the locals. 

We have no grandchildren, thus no photos of new "tribe members" are necessary. Our tribe remains the two of us and our one son. Despite not fathering a child, Zack did have an exciting monthlong adventure in Israel as a volunteer for their war effort. (We didn't go although we were very encouraging so I guess we made a contribution too.)

LLBean outdid itself with their light display this year and since it's only three miles away we have driven through several times. Okay, so it's not Vegas but it's what we've got. (We live in Maine, let's remember.)

And this: Mitch and I went to Florida for a week and almost bought a house but decided it's just too damn hot to live there full-time. I sold a painting for $650 in an art show which was pretty satisfying except the gallery took 30%. Mitch got four new tires on his BMW which cost $1,800; that's crazy if you ask me. And oh yeah, my sister died. (We were never close.)

Wishing a Merry Christmas and Happy Hanukah To All! 

The Christmas Letter

Dear Readers:

This is the first year we have not received even one Christmas letter from a friend, which disincentivizes me to write one like I usually do in this space. Hey, I've got other things to do too! So to carry on my tradition, I will have my computer do it for me: 

Dear Friends and Family,

Merry Christmas and warm holiday greetings from the Rouda family! As we reflect on 2024, we are filled with gratitude for the blessings, challenges, and memorable moments that have shaped our year. We hope this letter finds you surrounded by love, laughter, and the joyful spirit of the season.

This year has been one of growth and adventure for our family. Mitch continues to [insert updates about Mitch—perhaps professional milestones, hobbies, or travels]. He has a knack for keeping things exciting, and his energy and passion never fail to inspire us. Andrea has been actively sharing her thoughts and experiences on her blog, "The Daily Droid," covering a wide range of topics from current events to personal reflections. Her writing has sparked engaging conversations and provided insightful commentary on the world around us.

Our travels this year took us to [mention any trips or special vacations]. We made unforgettable memories exploring [specific locations or activities], savoring moments of connection and discovery. Closer to home, we’ve enjoyed [mention favorite local activities or traditions, such as family dinners, gardening, or hosting friends].

As the year comes to a close, we are reminded of the importance of the people in our lives—our cherished friends and family. Your support, laughter, and love have made our journey this year even more special. Whether we’ve shared time together in person or connected from afar, you hold a special place in our hearts.

Looking ahead to 2025, we are excited for new opportunities, continued adventures, and the promise of more time with the people who mean the most to us. We hope your year ahead is filled with joy, health, and all the things that bring you happiness.

Wishing you a holiday season full of wonder and a new year filled with endless possibilities. May your days be merry and bright, and may the spirit of Christmas bring peace to your heart and home.

With love and warm wishes,

Mitch, Andrea and ChatGPT