Decisions, Decisions....

Would you rather be raped by a dog trained to do so by an Israeli soldier or watch your baby get beheaded by a Hamas terrorist? I think most people would choose the first option, and although both are horrendous beyond anyone's imagination, they are topics we can find written about in a number of news sources these days.

Fortunately none of us have to choose between the two options cited in the opening paragraph. I mention them only to illustrate how very complicated modern life is. Like, is that person in a dress with pink hair and a beard male or female? Who would make the worse president -- Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez or Pete Buttigieg? Here in Maine, should I vote for the young Nazi sympathizer who lies about his past or the Senator who has served admirably for the past 29 years? 

Just this morning I had another tough decision to make. Needing to see my doctor, I called the practice. After holding on for about 20 minutes, a member of the "admin team" answered. I described my problem and she came back with two options: I could see the doctor I've been seeing for the past 17 years who knows all about my recent health issue at 2:15 this afternoon, or if it's an emergency, an unknown physician's assistant at 1:45.

Which would you choose?

Fantasy Type-casting

Some people in Hollywood are in a tizzy about a new movie coming to theaters this summer. In director Christopher Nolan's The Odyssey, a black actress has been cast as the historical figure Helen of Troy, who is described in Homer's written epic as "fair-skinned" and "white-armed." 

Liberals say it's racist to even notice it. I wonder, would they notice Meryl Streep playing the lead in a biopic about Rosa Parks? How about one with Timothy Chalamet as Emmet Till? 

The Odyssey is being dubbed a fantasy, and with good reason. Trans actress Ellen Page, who still looks like a pre-teen girl but wants us to believe she's a man and calls herself Elliot, is also in the film, playing a male character. 

I cannot wait to not see this movie!

Ignorance Is Bliss

Here's some advice you can take to the bank: Stay away from the news if you want to be happy. 

This morning I woke up, which in itself was worthy of applause, and found that my 19-year-old cat had also lived through the night and was hungry, two things that made me happy. I made a pot of coffee, another positive, and went outside to get the newspaper, drinking in the glory of the early morning dew on all the blossoming trees and shrubs. The world looked good. 

Then I read the newspaper. Big mistake. Turning the pages, my good mood evaporated in less than five minutes. Here's what I learned:

1. President Trump is apparently out of his mind, using his Truth Social platform "to spread conspiracies and attacks" while the rest of us were sleeping. 

2. Teenagers are being banned from shopping malls due to their violent "takeovers" that have "devolved into physical fights, robberies and gunfire."

3. Restaurants across the country are losing money because so many Americans are on weight-loss drugs.

4. AOC, that dummy-spinoff of Kamala Harris, is definitely considering a presidential run in 2028. Not only that, but she's a front-runner! (No, this is not a dream.)

5. Drug overdose deaths fell to a new low of 70,000 in 2025, which is considered a positive trend. 

6. Young men in their 20s and 30s are smashing their faces with hammers and other blunt instruments in order to get a stronger jawline.

7. "Jew-hatred" is on the rise in America.

8. Most students at Princeton cheat on exams using AI.

Sorry. I don't write the news, I just report it.

Long Overdue Loners Anonymous Meeting

"The Persistence of Memory" by Salvador Dali

To paraphrase, and at the same time completely alter the meaning of a popular saying, "We can't go on not meeting like this!" It's been seven months since our last get-together and we've likely got so much bottled up inside us to not share with anyone.  This is an especially appropriate time for me to be a Loner since my husband, who I live with, has been out of town for the past three days and will remain so for one more day. Consequently I have hardly spoken to a soul, except my trainer at the gym for an hour one day and another one tomorrow.

Since my closest local friends are still in quarantine owing to a bone marrow transplant last November, it's basically been me and my cat Lurch from dawn to dusk, and I do mean dawn. (Lurch starts meowing for breakfast before five in the morning.) Sad to say, he isn't much company these days, being 19 and suffering from feline dementia. While I find it unfair that my cat should be so afflicted after having had a mother who suffered from early-onset Alzheimer's, clearly we don't get to choose our troubles.

The truth is, being alone has its benefits. It allows us to focus on the fact that life is ticking by, minute by minute, hour by hour. (See illustration.) When we distract ourselves with meaningless activities, the days  pass quickly in a blur, and suddenly it's tomorrow, or next month, or Christmas! As we who have chosen the loner lifestyle understand, being alone allows us to savor every minute. I hope you are all doing that and not squandering it online, absorbing the crap posted by all the morons out there or trying to decipher what's real and what's AI in the news. 

Until next time, keep the faith -- and do something productive all by yourself. And if you can't think of anything, read "White Noise" by Don DeLillo, one of my all-time favorite novels which puts everything in perspective.

FILM REVIEW: Remarkably Bright Creatures

Tova and her octopus pal Marcellus share a moment.

Except for the stupid title, this film is almost perfect. Starring Sally Field, now almost 80, in what is surely the most exceptional performance of her long career, this sometimes sappy tear-jerker rises above its genre to expose raw truths about what it is to be human. It's also a fantasy about the deep love and communication capable between a human being and an octopus, the eponymous bright creature given the name Marcellus.

Based on a book of the same name, Remarkably Bright Creatures centers on Tova (Sally Field), a widow still grieving the mysterious death of her teenage son 30 years later. Her lonely life as a night-shift cleaning lady in an aquarium is brightened by the sudden appearance of a young drifter (Lewis Pullman) whose truck breaks down in her small seaside village, forcing him to stick around and eventually find work in the same aquarium. Their relationship deepens over time, and eventually blossoms into something touching and unexpected.

Besides the unique story and flawless performances, the underwater photography of stunning sea creatures makes the film special. One word of advice for the faint-hearted: Have tissues handy.

Rawdogging With Harrison Ford

Ford as Indiana Jones in "Raiders"

Recently actor Harrison Ford, who at age 83 has a self-earned net worth of $300 million, appeared on a podcast with younger actors who mocked him for not knowing the meaning of the slang term rawdogging. He jokingly pointed out that he was being made fun of for "being old." 

Ford's Wikipedia entry begins this way: 

"Regarded as a cinematic cultural icon, Ford's accolades include nominations for an Academy Award, A British Academy Film Award, an Emmy Award, five Golden Globe Awards and two Screen Actors Guild Awards. He is the recipient of the AFI Life Achievement Award, the Cecil B. DeMill Award, an Honorary Cesar, an Honors Palme d'Or and a SAG-AFTRA Life Achievement Award."  

But enough about him. I too did not know the meaning of the slang term. I figured it probably didn't mean eating uncooked hot dogs since that would have made the most sense, so I googled it and learned it means either having sex without a condom or doing an activity without any distractions, like flying without headphones or reading a book, just sitting there undistracted for the entire flight. 

Turns out I've been rawdogging -- both definitions -- for my whole life. Who knew I'm so hip?  

Almost Human

People are using AI for so much content these days, it's hard to tell what's real and what's computer-generated. Because of that, writers are deliberately messing up their original content just so readers will know they are not hiring robots, throwing in random slang, jargon and typos. There's even a new startup called Writehuman wherein the company's software "edits AI-generated text to make it sound more human."

Similarly, fake videos and altered photographs pepper the internet. Nothing is real anymore, it seems -- which means it's all sanitized and perfect. For example, I asked ChatGPT to make an image of a vase of flowers in front of an open window with a boat on the water outside. It is shown here below.

Nice. But I forgot to tell it to make it interesting, or stylized, or unique in any way. Now here's one of my own paintings that fits the same description. 

Most interior decorators would choose the AI-generated image. But I like mine better. 

I Didn't Ask, Please Don't Tell

Today I read most of an article online that originally appeared in People magazine about an actress I never heard of who just "came out" as bisexual. She finally "got up the courage" and wanted everyone to know. Now what are we all supposed to do with that information?

Why do we have to know the sexual preferences of movie stars, celebrities, royalty or anyone, in fact, other than someone we are about to have sex with? How does it impact anyone's life but their own?

If I run into you somewhere, please don't tell me who you like to sleep with, unless it's a cat or a dog.

Conspiracy Theories

A few days ago while having coffee with a friend, she mentioned something about "Pizzagate." I wasn't sure I had heard her correctly, so she went on to explain how in 2016, Hillary Clinton was part of a child sex ring based in a pizza restaurant in Washington, DC. She had few facts -- actually none -- correct. 

I rushed to tell her that when I lived in DC, which I did for 30 years, the restaurant in question, Comet Ping Pong Pizza, was a mile from our home and we ate there very often and never saw any funny business. Also, my son's best friend from high school was the manager of the place and he was a nice Jewish boy who would not engage in anything nefarious.

She remained unconvinced, still pretty sure that Hillary and some guy she couldn't name (John Podesta, Hillary's campaign chairman) were knee-deep in child trafficking in the basement of Comet. She then added her belief that it had something to do with "adrenochrome," a chemical which people harvest from the adrenal glands of children and ingest to stay young.

I still consider this woman a friend, mostly because she is decent and kind and, best of all, a Republican, which in my part of Maine is as rare as a four-leaf clover. Also, it's basically impossible to find anyone who doesn't believe in some sort of conspiracy theory. Take me, for example: I still don't believe we ever landed on the Moon. And I'm pretty sure the CIA played a part in JFK's assassination. 

Still, harvesting a chemical compound from children to reverse ageing is a bit much. Then again, Hillary herself was the one who said that when it comes to raising children, "It takes a village." Who knows -- maybe that's what the village was for.

Jimmy Kimmel Is the Joke

Who is Jimmy Kimmel and why do we care? That's the question plaguing me these days. For reasons beyond my understanding, the so-called entertainer has made the pages of my daily newspaper. Stooping to a new low, the formerly staid Wall Street Journal presents an article about Kimmel in today's "Business & Finance Section." This blows my mind.

Admittedly, as someone basking in the glow of my golden years, I turn in early. Usually I'm asleep by 10 pm, or maybe 11 if it's a weekend and I've gone out somewhere. But that's rare. So I'm clueless when it comes to late-night talk show hosts. Besides, after Johnny Carson left, that genre died a horrible death, with a string of lesser talents trying to fill his shoes. Still, I find it depressing and disturbing that someone who tries to be funny for a living is now a mouthpiece for the loony left. 

There are plenty of people alive on this planet, myself among them, who have never seen Jimmy Kimmel do whatever it is he supposedly does. But there is nobody above the age of about eight who couldn't pick Donald Trump out of a lineup. Kimmel's ongoing skewering of Trump, who is the President of the United States for the second time, is perhaps the best joke he has ever told. His recent putdown of First Lady Melania is his second best.

Cruising

Thinking we might want to experience a cruise sometime before we die, my husband and I started our search online. We narrowed it down to small ships sailing on European rivers rather than ocean liners, since if there's a problem on the ship we could swim to shore rather than drown, die of hypothermia or get eaten by sharks, the main reasons I have never gone on a cruise before. 

Naturally all the websites claim the same things: Their cruise line is the best, their food is prepared by award-winning chefs, their staff is extremely attentive to your every need and their on-shore excursions are exciting and memorable. Digging deeper, we realized that we would have to read some reviews from real people. Those were no help at all. 

For example, the same cruise was described quite differently by different people. Some said the food was awful, while others on the very same ship on the very same dates said it was gourmet at its best. Some cited technical difficulties with the ship, like the AC not working, toilets not flushing, and being stopped dead in the water for a day because of engine trouble, while others claimed the same trip was flawless.

Throw in those odd cruise viruses that befall multitudes of passengers, potential bad weather and debilitating seasickness, and something tells me we're not going quite yet.