Not All Mainers Are Dumb

Very, very, very dumb person.

Yesterday I wrote, in an offhand manner, that intelligence is not one of the attributes of a Mainer. This offended an anonymous reader who left a comment to complain. It caused me to reconsider my words since I don't like hurting the feelings of people close to me, and some very good friends of mine were born and raised here in Maine and are super-smart! Thus I apologize publicly to any reader who felt dissed by my statement. 

While this is not a complete denial of my original assessment, I'll soften it by saying that only some Mainers lack great intelligence and that none of my friends are in that category. However, all of the people who were part of the recent "Gays for Gaza" protest here are idiots, plain and simple. To be fair, possibly only some were Mainers.

Is Hamas Already Here?

 Hamas sympathizer (or member) defacing statue in our nation's capital yesterday. 

I'm not looking forward to Hamas running things. But maybe they already are. Why are all these pro-Palestine rallies and protests allowed in all of our cities? How can people be permitted to deface public property in Washington, DC and face no consequences? I understand we have no President, but isn't anyone in charge?

 

Gays for Gaza: A Joke for Our Times

I moved to Maine 15 years ago because of family circumstances beyond my control. I have stayed because it's still remote from the crime, gang warfare, traffic and crush of humanity that has overrun the big cities I frequented in my youth, like Baltimore, Oakland, San Francisco, Chicago and Manhattan. Plus it's very pretty, with a wild, natural beauty earning it the affectionate sobriquet, "America's Vacationland." 

But don't get me started on the people. While many Mainers posses admirable qualities, intelligence is not high on the list. They are excellent fishermen and make a great lobster roll. They are hearty, withstanding  brutally cold winters with nary a complaint. They are excellent skiers and sailors and make a damn good Whoopie Pie, although I have never eaten one since they look gross and, truth be told, are.

But yesterday, while Bibi Netanyahu gave his impassioned speech to Congress in Washington, DC, a well-attended protest called "Gays for Gaza" took place in downtown Portland, a city which has embraced the weird, woke stance of being pro-Hamas and anti-Israel. Apparently the members of this group, happily gay and typically proud, are not up-to-speed on the reality of current events. For example, they surely don't know the following truths as reflected in responses online to the question, "How does Hamas treat gays?":

"Queers would be murdered by the people they support. It is like chickens supporting KFC. Palestinians and almost all Muslim countries are raging homophobic nazis. They will happily kill any and all gay people in any country they become a majority in." 

"Indeed, gay and transgender people—both in Gaza and the West Bank—face an extraordinary level of persecution, persecution that may result in a years-long prison sentence or even death."

"Make sure you have a generous life insurance policy for those you love to benefit from your “flying lesson” off of a tall building in Gaza or the West Bank. Alternatively, you might be taken for a ride, towed by a motorcycle through the streets for the local population to spit and throw stones at."

So party on, gay Mainers. But be careful what you wish for.

The Manequin Queen

Ladies and Gentlemen (and others), we have entered a new era of Democratic tomfoolery, one which eclipses all the artifice and dishonesty of the past four years, wherein we are instructed to forget every criticism and witticism made at her expense and embrace Kamala Harris as a brilliant, articulate, and profound leader who shall shepherd us to that "shining city on a hill" promised so many years ago. 

Originally applied to the city of Boston by early 17th century Puritans, the phrase took on broader meaning among politicians as a synonym for exceptionalism after President Ronald Reagan used it in a 1976 address, deeming America as a beacon of hope for the whole world. 

All I have to say about that 48 years later is, "Ha!" To quote Donald Trump in his acceptance speech at the recent Republican National Convention, "Democrats would vote for a mannequin* or a dead man" if that's who the party nominated. While Biden was the latter, Kamala Harris is surely the former.

So get ready for her coronation, and try to keep a straight face. After all, if she wins she would be the first female president, not to mention female of color. There's at least one good thing about the whole tawdry affair: it must be killing Hillary.

* A dummy in the form of the human figure.

Kamala's California Dreamin'

"I believe in that old adage that 'as goes California, so goes the country.' " -- Kamala Harris

According to a survey by Consumer Affairs, California ranks as the Number 1 state people are moving from. The state faces three overlapping challenges: rising unemployment, growing fiscal strains and population outflows. All of these pinpoint California as a pocket of relative weakness in an otherwise robust American economy.

California has been in a state of chaos both politically and socially over the last 5 years. Said one recent visitor: "I thought California was going to be a picturesque west coast state, instead it’s a dumpster fire. Population is close to 40 million; you need to make over $120,000 annually to barely live comfortably. Forest fires, earthquakes, and landslides are the norm. Residents seem to care more about banning straws than people openly shitting in the streets of San Francisco and sharing needles. How do so many people like it here?"

In 2023, more than one of every three individuals in the United States experiencing homelessness was found in California. California accounted for half of all individuals counted in unsheltered locations.

California has a huge budget problem: 2024 marks the second consecutive year the nation's most populous state faces a multibillion-dollar shortfall. 

Sorry about your nightmare, Kamala, but please don't make it mine.

Every Cloud Has A Silver Lining

Politics is so much like high school, it's embarrassing. I finally understand why some people, like my brother Brian who is among the smartest people on the planet and certainly the funniest, choose to avoid it and do not vote. Am I brave enough to join them this year? It's looking that way.

Since yesterday's written announcement that he will not run again, Joe Biden has ascended from being seen as a calamitous albatross to Jesus-like status among the Democrats, who are all so relieved to be rid of him they can't contain their joy. 

Since then, a tsunami of accolades has inundated the Internet citing Joe's "transformative" presidency, possibly "the most transformative in all of history" according to some groveling pundits who just days ago begged him to disappear and never darken their doorway again.

"Word salad is defined as a jumble of extremely incoherent speech as sometimes observed in schizophrenia."

A similarly miraculous transformation has happened to Kamala Harris, who until yesterday and for the last four years has been the butt of jokes, the subject of memes and a true failure at her job. The only things she is really known for are an annoying cackle and her inscrutable "word salad" responses to any and all questions lobbed in her direction. Yet overnight, as the heir apparent to the Oval Office, she's morphed into a brilliant goddess: The first female to occupy that esteemed position, and Holy moly, she's black-ish! (Born to a Jamaican father and an Indian mother.) 

Oh well -- at least if Kamala wins there will finally be a Jew in the White House with First Husband Doug Emhoff hopefully imparting some wisdom over bagels and lox at breakfast. (There's the silver lining.)

10 Bad Things To Be

senile

fat

cancerous

selfish

destitute

mainstream

sheepish

ignorant

addicted

tacky