Distress Signals

The World's Most Pierced Woman, circa 2009.

Call me madcap, but I prefer skin plain. In fact, the closer it is to a baby's bottom, the better. This odd fetish of mine is becoming rarer every day, with body modifications springing up like crocuses everywhere you turn. And while they are considered by some to be cutting-edge, to me they seem like nothing more than desperate cries for help.

Once limited to tough guys and sailors, it seems like every modern teen has at least a couple of tattoos, and often their parents and grandparents do too. And while a tasteful cherub adorning a delicate wrist or a snake encircling a well-formed bicep can be a beautiful thing, some of the grotesque and outlandish designs are disturbing and disgusting, to say the least.

But tattoos are child's play compared to body piercings, which are also going mainstream. The need to be different from the next guy or gal does not fully explain how some people can endure the pain involved in the process. My own foray into self-adornment starts and stops at the ears, with one hole in each. I got them in my senior year of high school and I fainted during the process, so you can only imagine my shock and awe at the lady pictured above. (Now that's what I call a fashion statement.)

So what's next? Those giant holes in the ears are already being sported by teens around America; will that African lip-stretching thing also show up on this continent? Just how far will people go to express themselves? For me, wearing plaid with polka dots is enough.