Ode to Netflix

The Small: Still big enough for two.

My recent trip to the movies was fraught with petty annoyances, enough to make my repeating the outing less than a sure bet. I'm certain countless other patrons do not share my feelings, which is why Hollywood stars earn millions to appear in even mediocre films. To see them, fans purchase 2.6 billion tickets annually. Anyway, back to those annoyances. First off, a small popcorn cost $7.50. (The ticket price for the film was $8.25.) The clerk happily pointed out that the medium, enough to feed a family of four farm animals, cost only 75 cents more. We went with the small (see photo).

Next, the fact that movie theaters now run product commercials just like on TV pisses me off to high heaven. Really? After forking over a total of $24.00 we still have to sit through Coke ads? Even weirder, Coke has to advertise? And the ads are so touchy-feely and embarrassing, showing how Coke unites the peoples of the world and everyone loves guzzling the so-very-bad-for-you beverage while they feed hungry children or dig water trenches in some godforsaken, disadvantaged country. How about we skip the Coke and just tell me where I can send my check.

And finally, if a movie is scheduled to start at 6:10 and we have just about broken our necks to get there in time, skipping dinner which is why we needed that bag of popcorn in the first place, it damn well better. The other night, miffed about the overpriced popcorn and tired of checking the nearest exits and making sure my cell phone was turned off, by 6:14 I was plotzing, so I went out front and queried the theater manager who said they always start the film five minutes later than the posted time, to allow for latecomers. Oh great, so now latecomers are a protected group? Next thing you know they'll have their own bathrooms.

It's so much more pleasant to stay at home and watch movies on Netflix, make your own popcorn and not worry about the exits. Plus you won't get roped into buying Mike & Ikes for an arm and a leg. The last box I had was called Tropical Delights, with odd flavors like tangerine, watermelon and pineapple. Yuk! Give me those good old-fashioned red, green and yellows that taste like sugar and corn syrup any day.