Have you wondered, like I have, why everyone is so concerned that TikTok exposes its users to Chinese spyware? Well, relax; have you seen what's on TikTok? China will learn the following information:
1. Many Americans have very little to do so they make videos of anything they have lying around their house, mostly their dogs, cats and babies. Hundreds and hundreds of videos are exactly like hundreds and hundreds of others in this regard. The information gleaned from them will empower China to take over our country since they will have undeniable proof that our population is comprised of slackers and dullards lacking imagination.
2. Many Americans cannot sing or dance well at all but still they make videos of themselves doing so anyway. This is further proof that in a war, China would win because Americans are clumsy egomaniacs bent on self-destruction.
3. Many Americans are just plain moronic, producing long, complicated videos with no purpose other than to keep people watching them and thus increase their views, which for some reason makes them feel proud. It might be making a 7-layer cake out of wire mesh, raw cookie dough, dry ice, Skittles and Cool Whip, then telling you to, "Just wait, just wait, wait until you see how it turns out, just wait, we're almost there, wait." The number of people who wait makes it clear that should China ever wage war on us, they deserve to win. In fact, I want to be Chinese.
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