Florida Passes "Don't Say Straight" Bill

 TV heterosexuals Ward and June Cleaver, with kids. 

Heterosexual teachers in Florida are up in arms over the recent signing by Governor DeSantis of what is being called in some circles the "Don't Say Straight" bill. The controversial legislation restricts conversations about gender and sexual orientation in kindergarten through third grade public school classes.

"It's not fair!" said one Orlando kindergarten teacher who asked to remain anonymous. "I like to be able to talk to the children about what my husband and I did over the weekend, and now I can't!" Other teachers echoed her complaint, saying it kept them from describing many common home activities like putting up drywall, laying brick paths, adding a room over the garage and other renovations so important for young kids to know about at an early age.

Another complaint came from male teachers who wished they could describe how sexy their wives look when they come to bed wearing sheer negligees. "These kids are missing out on some important stuff," said one third grade teacher. "How are young boys going to learn what it takes to please a woman, like how they need candy on Valentine's Day and flowers on their birthday?"

It's true that these days straight people get the short end of the stick when it comes to communicating the details of their alternative lifestyles. Kids will have to watch reruns of old TV shows like "MASH,""Leave It to Beaver," "I Love Lucy" and "The Brady Bunch" to understand relationships between men and women. Hopefully their parents will provide these educational tools and have these discussions with them at home.