The 2019 Droidy Awards

I did not watch the Grammy Awards show on TV last night because A, I never heard of most of the people competing and B, I don't care who won what or wore what. Instead I watched Titanic for like the fifth time. This tells me my time has passed, culturally speaking. But then, I have never understood the whole awards show "thing." Why would I care who, among people I will never meet, wins praise from other people I will never meet, often for performances I have never seen? It's nutty.

Instead, each of us should hand out awards that make sense to us and our friends and family members. To that end, following are the recipients of The 2019 Droidy Awards:

Best Friend, Out of State: Debra Sandack
Best Friend, Local: Jay Reighley
Best Sense of Humor: Brian Keller
Best Living Relative: Valerie Palmer
Best Deceased Relative: Melvin L. Keller, M.D.
Best Pet (Alive): Big Lurch
Best Dead Pet: Rufus Rouda
Best Dentist: Alex Hutcheon (Bayview Dental)
Best Periodontist: Peter Then (Corey and Then)
Best Dental Hygienist: Stella (Corey and Then)
Best Dead Friend (Female): Noreen Welle
Best Dead Friend (Male): Rick Whiting
Best New Friends: Teresa and Jim Radford
Best Old Friend: Gloria Peragine (99)
Best Facebook Friend: Melva Lambert
Best Actor: Zack Rouda
Best Art Patron: Patricia Dane Rogers
Best Photographer: Heidi Ayala
Best Personal Trainer: Ginny Machon (Crossfit)
Best Psychiatrist (Dead or Alive): Norman R. Tamarkin 
Best Veterinarian: Louise LeBoeuf (Yarmouth Veterinary Clinic)
Best Song Lyric: "Nothing really matters to me." (Bohemian Rhapsody)