Keeping a Low Profile

I'm thrilled that you are reading my blog, really I am. So it pains me to say you must stop, immediately, and go do something else because the Internet is a very, very bad place to be! I have long suspected this, but in just the few hours I've been awake today I've learned how evil it has become. (I can only hope nothing bad happens to me before I finish writing this post.)

First, on the radio early this morning I heard about a 12-year-old Florida girl who committed suicide after months of enduring what is called "cyber-bullying." She was publicly taunted online -- on Snapchat and Facebook and who knows where else, but it was everywhere all kids go these days. The child felt she had nowhere to hide, and she was right.

When I was young it was just called bullying, and kids either did it in person, right up in your face, or behind your back. Either way, it hurt. I was a target for years, mostly because puberty hit me early, making me the Dolly Parton of my elementary school. The boys taunted me constantly, making me cry and basically feel like shit (especially Johnny Azlant for all you SSHSers).

Back then nothing could be done about it besides go home and eat a lot of cookies and quietly pray that terrible things would happen to all those boys, mostly that they would die of horrible diseases or be killed in car crashes, etc. Luckily the other girls in my class caught up with me in the breast department and by high-school my bosom was nothing to write home about. (Besides, I didn't put out.) But these days there are laws on the books against bullying, and two young boys have been arrested in the case in Florida. They may face a year in jail and a fine of $1,000 each for "saying mean things" to the girl who ended her life.

The second bad thing about the Internet came to my attention in an article in today's Wall Street Journal about the world of dating circa 2018: Nobody reveals their last name anymore, at least not until the relationship is very serious. People are getting naked together and having sex with one another without knowing their partner's last name because they fear what can be learned about them online. Apparently asking someone's last name is akin to saying, "Will you marry me?" (In my day it wasn't unusual to wake up next to someone and not know their first name, but that's another blog post altogether.)

So heed my warning and get out while you still can, before people Google you and find your LinkedIn resume and stalk you on Facebook. Do you want everyone knowing who you voted for and what kind of music you prefer and how you spent last weekend and if you like cats more than dogs? I thought not.