How Far We've Come

Famished after a grueling workout at the gym with my sadistic trainer, I stopped at Panera Bread, a chain restaurant I hadn't been to in years but remembered as having great salads. Since it was still early on a frigid morning there was only one other customer in the place, an older lady who was pretty annoying if you must know. She made the clerk behind the counter name just about every ingredient of every menu item before she would make a decision. Finally she was done and sat down at a table to wait for her food, and it was my turn. I ordered a Greek salad and had to laugh when the clerk asked for my name, like there were a million people in there. Then he handed me one of those electronic pagers they give you in crowded restaurants to alert you when your table is ready.

Me: What's this for?
Clerk: To let you know when your order is ready.
Me: Yes, I know what it's for, but I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere.
Clerk: This is how management likes us to do it. You're number 17.

Number 17? Scanning the restaurant for other customers, thinking maybe a tour bus had come in ahead of me and everyone had gone into the restroom, I saw only the annoying old lady. Noticing she had no pager, I asked the clerk why. "She didn't want one." His disgusted tone inferred she was out of touch.

By the time I walked from the counter where I had placed my order to the counter where they brought out the food, my pager was buzzing and flashing wildly. As I reached out to take the bag from the server, she asked my name. I told her and she said it wasn't mine, it was the other lady's order. "You must have taken her pager," she said, shaking her head like I had done it on purpose. Then she disappeared and returned a minute later, looked right past me and shouted "Andrea!" like maybe someone else would show up.

My official review is that Panera Bread sucks. Greek salad, my eye; there were like five olives, a few slices of mealy tomatoes and a paltry sprinkling of feta cheese on top of a ton of lettuce, and that was it. But it's good to know they're keeping up with the times.