It's Awards Season! Who's the Best?

This morning at 5:22 AM in California, lots of Hollywood stars, or as I like to call them, nitwits, got all gussied up to just announce the Academy Awards in a televised ceremony that rivaled the main event to be broadcast on March 4, with all sorts of staging and production and fancy clothes, and streamed live on the Internet for those poor, misguided souls who could not wait another second until they could read the list of nominees online.

I have never understood why the movie industry is the only one where awards are handed out for all the world to see. What about all the other professions, a few of which we could not live without, or if we did our quality of life would suffer dramatically. That's right, you guessed it: I am talking about dentists! What would we be without them? Toothless is what. So to honor those tireless, fearless and dauntless (I am not sure what that means but I've always wanted to use the word) men and women in white, or sometimes gray like at my periodontist's office which is very upscale and where all the uniforms match the office decor, I submit this year's awards for Outstanding Oral and Maxillofacial Stuff: 

Could be a movie star!

Best Periodontist: Dr. Peter Then (Corey + Then Periodontics, South Portland, Maine)
Besides being handsome and funny, which never hurts in any situation and certainly is a plus at any dentist office, Dr. Then goes the extra mile to assure you have a great experience in the chair. He takes every opportunity to extract not only as many teeth but as much money as he can from each patient. (Ha ha, just a little joke there.) He's not cheap, but he's worth it. And he gives you his cell phone number in case you have a problem after some horrible procedure, and will even come in to the office on a weekend if you need him. (I am guessing on that last thing, but I'd put money on it.)

Best Hygienist: Stella (Corey + Then Periodontics, South Portland, Maine)

I'd know her anywhere!

Like Cher and Oprah, Stella needs no last name. Always cheerful, I love her and would never let anyone else do what she does to me. She is quite talkative when you want her to be, like when she is digging really deep into areas that might be sensitive. She is quick to notice if you are uncomfortable and will offer some sort of solution, like that numbing gel which really does work. I love hearing about her daughter's life since my son is about the same age so I can make comparisons to how he is doing compared to others of his generation. Also, Stella works out at a gym so is very in shape and committed to a healthy lifestyle. I can't stand a fat hygienist. (Back when I lived in Salt Lake City I had one of those; there was always a vague odor of Oreos about her, and the occasional cookie crumb on her uniform.)

Best Dentist: Alex Hutcheon (Bayview Dental Associates, Yarmouth, Maine)

"The God of Dentistry"

Certainly the best in his field in my experience, and I have lived in five states and the District of Columbia and had dental problems in each one, Dr. Hutcheon is more accurately referred to as "The God of Dentistry." Pain is not in his vocabulary. He knows nothing about pain whatsoever. And his technique of delivering that shot of Novocaine, or whatever they use now, is beyond astonishing: You wonder when he's going to do it, and then he says it's done! You simply do not feel it at all! He's not much of a talker but who cares; your Valium is already working. If he ever retires I will need lots of emotional support. Fortunately he's fairly young so I won't have to experience that loss, unless he dies unexpectedly which would be tragic.