My Favorite Smart, Rich, Black Female

Did I mention she's a Rupublican?

When it comes to getting elected as president, Oprah's seemingly got it all: she's rich, famous, female, and black, with a weight problem that won't quit. (She absolutely loves bread!) Sweetening the deal, she was sexually abused as a child and overcame it, surely a plus at the ballot box. But wait -- what if there's someone out there with all those qualities but is also gay, has an autistic child and is in a wheelchair? Then Oprah is surely toast.

Forgive my cynicism, but I am no fan of Ms. Winfrey, she of the self-named monthly magazine with air-brushed covers showing her 50 pounds less than she really is. If she can't be honest with herself, how will she be truthful with all of us? What's got me ranting is an op-ed piece in today's Wall Street Journal claiming Oprah is a shoe-in for the office because she was on TV every day for 27 years listening to people's problems and thus will make a great Therapist-in-Chief. Good God, have we really come to this?

If we have, then my pick for a rich, famous, black female to run the country is someone who is also thin, always a nice touch, and has tons of experience in world affairs: Condi Rice, we need you now more than ever! Beside being ridiculously brilliant with a winning personality, she plays the piano very well and is a big football fan. And with no husband, she might even be gay. (That would certainly knock the ball out of the park.) What's not to love?