Get Smarter: Right Here, Right Now

Albert Einstein (duh)

There's an old saying that you learn something new every day, or at least you're supposed to. Anyway, I already did today and it's not even nine in the morning, so now I can lay back and be stupid the rest of the day since I'm already smarter. And now you will be too, since I'm about to share my new knowledge with you.

It came to me via the crossword puzzle in today's Wall Street Journal. Crossword puzzles are the only reason I look at any newspapers. They keep your mind sharp -- much sharper than the rest of the gibberish the editors dream up to surround the ads with column inches of words and thus remain employed. It's important to remember that newspapers are money-making endeavors, and their owners keep a keen eye on the bottom line. For example, the current owner of the Washington Post, Jeff Bezos, is the richest man in the world.

The new thing I learned is the word ZEUGMA. What the heck? Who ever saw such a word, let alone needed to use it? Even the puzzle's clue for it was confusing: "Figure of speech exemplified by "You held your breath and the door for me." I was sure I had something wrong, but then I finished the whole crossword and there it sat: zeugma. Naturally I looked it up in my Webster's and found it, right between zeta and Zeus: