Phony Baloney

I hate bullshit. In fact, my best quality and worst character flaw are one and the same: I'm honest even if it kills me, or you. So I get really pissed off when I find out I've been lied to and fallen for it. That exact thing happened yesterday when a friend posted something on her Facebook page that I believed completely, only to learn today that it was a bogus story that's been in circulation for five years.

You may know the one, about the lady who was unknowingly charged $250 by Neiman-Marcus for their chocolate-chip cookie recipe, thinking it would only cost her $2.50. I found it outrageous and asked if I could use it here as a blog post, but when I never heard back from her I checked it out on Snopes.com and found out it was phony baloney.

Okay, so truth be told, I don't always tell the truth. In fact, I lie constantly. Well, not constantly, but a lot. Like when I get invited to something I don't want to attend, I just say I'm busy that night. Or I wait until the day of the event and call and say I'm sick. Or if the server at a restaurant stops by the table to ask how is everything, and my food is all but inedible and I wouldn't feed it to my dog, I still say, with a big smile, "It's great, thanks."

I also lie about my weight. And saying it's a cute baby when it isn't. And of course politics, but who doesn't. And the worst is lying for other people who have asked me to keep a secret. I hate that, but I do it. I've kept one whopper to myself for 35 years now, and it still bothers me. But hey, I promised. So even though I lie, I keep my promises and your secrets. As for the cookie recipe, why bother baking when you can get Tate's cookies? Nothing can top them, and that's the truth.