If Animals Could Vote

What did people argue about before this election season heated up? Oh, I remember now--it's always election season. This very moment, some folks are already arguing about 2016: Will Hillary run? What about Jeb Bush? And don't forget Rubio! It's truly a never-ending conversation, turning our collective brains to mush. Imagine instead a world where other subjects dominated the news. Like what if people explored inter-species communication, a topic that gets far too little attention if you ask me. I believe it's all around us; take my cat Lurch, an animal lacking the gift of speech but leaving no doubt as to what he wants and when he wants it.

When Lurch first arrived I worried that he would get stuck outside in all sorts of bad weather, since he's an outdoors kind of guy and we have no cat door. His previous home was a group house inhabited by five college students with zillions of friends dropping by at all hours; the doors were forever opening and closing and Lurch could come and go easily. But here it's just me and Mitch, and sometimes just me, and actually we don't have many drop-ins, this being Maine. What would happen?

Lurch handles it. Like any cat, when he wants out he howls at the particular door of his choosing. But when he wants in it is often hours later, maybe dark and rainy, or snowing and windy. Howling won't work. So what he does is get a good running start, get airborne and and literally hurl his almost-14-pound body at the door. The first time I heard this thunderous noise I thought someone was trying to break in, and rushed to see what the commotion was. Turns out it was someone trying to break in; it was Lurch.

When he's hungry he sits at the refrigerator; for treats, it's the pantry door. When he wants fresh water he stares at the water bowl. Just in from the storm all wet and soggy, he camps out at the closet where we keep the hot tub towels. In the morning, thinking I have slept quite enough and it's time for breakfast, he jumps on my head and meows in my ear. I know--your cat does all those things too. But what about this: During last night's presidential debate, Lurch parked his considerable self right down on the remote, turning off the TV in the middle of an especially obnoxious Obama tirade. Let's face it: He is one smart kitty.