Be Kind to (Almost) Everyone Month

I have always regarded October as the reason to endure the slings and arrows inherent in the other eleven months. October is beautiful to look at, wonderful to experience, not too hot and not too cold, covered in golden leaves and falling acorns, and the leading edge to all those fun holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanukah and New Year's.  Now someone has gone and messed it up by proclaiming wondrous, spectacular October as National Anti-Bullying Month! Sadly, I just found this out today. Here we are, already three days into the month and I am guilty of bullying: I have repeatedly laughed at my husband for doing his required 48 burpees--don't ask--a day, to remain in good standing with his fellow CrossFit cult members. I have called him a child, an adolescent and some other things I will not print here. (I'm so ashamed.)

On the plus side, I have not called anyone fat or ugly or gay or stupid or lame or a jackass--well, maybe that last one--and so my slate is still relatively clean for this month. I will try my hardest to keep this up, but with the political debate airing on TV tonight between the two presidential candidates, I'm a little nervous that I might have to say some pretty mean stuff about that haughty-for-no-good-reason Rachel Maddow and the always-insane Chris Matthews, and all those dunderheads at CNN like that moron Wolf Blitzer and pretty-boy Anderson Cooper tomorrow. Do they count, I wonder? They couldn't possibly.