The saddest part is that so many bright and knowledgeable born leaders are everywhere you look, except in the Republican Party. As for the Tea Party---oh please. With that in mind, I have decided to announce my intention to run as an Independent. It's early yet, but I have begun to rough out a few of the key points of my platform:
1. Voting will be restricted to intelligent people only; this would be determined through a short questionnaire. For example, anyone who answers yes to the question, "Did you recently buy a ticket to see Charlie Sheen perform live onstage?" would be prohibited. Ditto those people who say "all intensive purposes" instead of "all intents and purposes."
2. During my administration, trucks will be banned from all Interstate highways during daylight hours, allowing Americans to once again enjoy travel freely as our Founding Fathers surely intended.
3. Once elected, I will continue to live in my own home and use the White House strictly as an entertainment venue, which is pretty much what it is now but without the 200 servants, whose combined salaries should make a significant dent in our national deficit.
I know it's not much, but The Donald is running on "Where is Obama's birth certificate?" and Michele is out there spouting, "Whatever Sarah says, me too!" At least I've given you something concrete to consider. And I'll tell you right now, my running mate is Mitch Rouda, and he is very smart about politics, world history, current events, that whole Middle East mess, the economy--all that stuff I know nothing about. (I am however a great cook and would share my recipes with the general public.) Together we'll make a great ticket.
That is the most romantic thing I have heard in a long time.
ReplyDeleteYou got my vote. 100%. I especially like #1. I would like you to add a few more. Like:
#4. No having babies without a passing grade in a training class.
#5. Free birth control for everyone.
and what do you say about health care????
and could you make me a job having to do with RECYCLING???
In fact, forget the Independent Party. Go Green! You could vice up with whatshisname, Nader!
My contributions to the platform:
ReplyDelete- The more you tease your hair (or comb it over) the less we will listen to you
- The full costs of our involvement in middle east countries will be passed along to consumers in the form of an energy tax
- We will be strictly isolationist and meddle our noses NOWHERE in the world EXCEPT where we feel like it, or like the people there, or they have stuff we want, in which case we will feel completely empowered to do whatever we like
- If you have no sense of humor, you can't come to any official meetings
PS
ReplyDeleteWant the puppy
With a platform like that, let's see, you, Mitch, deneb , I'll be vote number 4. No, strike that. Good thing I'm not in Wisconsin or I wouldn't be able to say that. Your son is 4, I'll be 5. Ok, allowing for family and close friends, I'll still at least be 19.
ReplyDeleteI think you should also add to your platform that we do a flat tax. Say 10%. If you make millions we take 10%. If you make 10 dollars, we take 10%. This would address all citizens. Even the single population who no one is talking about. This group is not screaming, unlike a certain "group" who want marriage so that they can enjoy the married tax laws, because "we are living together and love each other". Why are they so special? If you are two single people sharing a house/apartment to meet expenses, why can't they also benefit from the married tax law. I am sure they care about each other? That is why we need a flat tax. Then if you have kids, you get a little extra because of them. Then as an extra bonus, you could provide a reach out program to these "special" citizens to teach them how to write a will, living will and power of attorney to address their other "issues". You can also mandate that all "marriages" will now be called "civil unions" and a marriage becomes strictly a religious ceremony. Make it equal and no one feels slighted because of a name. Then LASTLY, you could take all those tax people, IRS agents and legislative groups who write those tax laws that NO ONE READS or knows how to follow and save trees and put them to working on the healthcare issue (generating new jobs). We will never get to healthcare for everyone until you address waste, over billing, fraud, lying and cheating. That should keep you and Mitch busy for four years.
ReplyDeleteGL
Gabby, I am drafting you to be my Head Cabinet Person. That will be your title, so you can go anywhere you are needed. Rick, you are definitely on as Presidential Photographer and Golf Czar....responsible for teaching all visiting dignitaries how to play. We will turn the South Lawn into a golf course....gee, this is starting to sound like fun!
ReplyDeleteI'd vote for you!! I am smiling now about the future.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the laughs.