I May Be Old but I'm Not Deaf

I am already sick of being too old--sick of it, I tell you, and the worst part is, I'm just getting started. I'm not talking just about me, I'm talking about an entire generation, all those baby boomers I still consider to be the coolest people on Earth, but who, to Madison Avenue, are so much detritus, literally-- matter produced by the decay or disintegration of an organic substance. In the media, on TV, in advertising, in fact, everywhere you turn, everyone who is anyone is between the ages of 12 and 28, or wishes they were.

Even the Wall Street Journal, that once-staid financial newspaper read by grown-up bankers and CEOs, now stoops to conquer a younger readership. On today's front page, the banner above the fold hawks an inside story entitled: "School Reunions: Looking Successful is the Best Revenge." I expected a story about how best to show off your PhD. or your corner office or your huge mansion in Tuscany, but no: Instead I learned  that, to "ace the school reunion, it is suggested that women wear Herve Leger, a label known for snug bandage dresses that say sexy." Also, "there's nothing wrong with showing a hint of back and a great pair of legs." And finally--and this was a real shocker--"you should forgo hosiery because sometimes hosiery can age you." Hey, Mr. Idiot--everyone at the reunion already knows how old you are! (And what is he suggesting: no undies?)

I finally realized that the article was about reunions for people who graduated like yesterday, not in the last century. Enough already, I get it--youth sells. But hey-- as Vegetable Lasagna said to Elaine in that great Seinfeld episode, "I can hear you!" So please, tone it down.