The Trouble with Liberals

Some of my best friends are liberals--well, two of them, anyway--and I gotta say, they are a nutty bunch! They are so sensitive, and ready for a fight at the slightest hint of a different point of view. What's up with that? They are also always on the lookout for racism, which they see lurking behind every negative comment about a black person, essentially making it impossible to ever criticize a person of color.

Well, guess what-- I detest Oprah Winfrey, and not because she's black. It's because I have never seen anything special in any way about anything she does, and I believe she manipulates and exploits the willing public for her own personal gain. Which reminds me: She's fat, but she got thin several times to much fanfare, including dragging a wagonload of real fat onstage to show just how much she had lost, but then she got fat again, and since so many people want to be fat and stay fat, she is their goddess. She is the Goddess of Fatness! And she was abused as a child, and since so many people had unhappy childhoods themselves, they can relate, so she is also the Goddess of Child Abuse!

Lest you think I am a racist, I will list some of the black people I believe to be true gods and goddesses who walk (or have walked) among us: Gregory Hines, Smokey Robinson, Denzel Washington, all of the original Persuasions, Nat King Cole, Michael Jackson, Ella Fitzgerald....can I stop now? Is that enough, or do I have to love Oprah to not be considered a racist? If I think Whoopie Goldberg is a disaster and Bill Cosby is an old fool, am I a racist? How about if I say Morgan Freeman makes my skin crawl....racist? But I loved Jesse Jackson (back in the old days), and I think Chris Rock is a hoot, so maybe I'm not a racist after all.

There are some white people I dislike as much as Oprah: Conan O'Brien, Justin Timberlake, Donald Trump, Angelina Jolie, Wolf Blitzer, Hugh Hefner, Larry Flynt, Chris Matthews, Sarah Palin, Mike Huckabee, Dan Quayle, and naturally the devil incarnate Keith Olbermann... is that enough? Can I stop now? Because there are more, but you've probably never heard of them....