Sunday, April 30, 2023

We Will Never Be Rid of The New York Times

Today's New York Times devotes the entire front page of the Opinion section, 12 by 24 inches of its most valuable news space, to an illustration of Tucker Carlson, popular political analyst and former star of FOX News. Wow, that's something! You'd think they would save that for "FIRST TRANSGENDER DEAF PRESIDENT WITH DOWN SYNDROME WINS IN A LANDSLIDE." But no, it's Tucker, with a headline in tiny, almost illegible, letters stretching across his face that says, "We Will Never Be Rid of Tucker Carlson." (I certainly hope that's true.) 

They might as well have titled it, "We Will Never Be Rid of People Who Think for Themselves," or "We Will Never Be Rid of the Two-Party System," or "We Must Rid the World of People Who Disagree With Us" or "Anyone Who Dares to Have A Shred of An Original Thought Must Be Silenced." At the very least that would be honest.

Anyway, since my husband insists that we keep buying the Sunday Times, if only for the magazine crossword puzzle, I will continue to see articles that raise my blood pressure and make me nauseous, coincidentally two symptoms of my heart attack five years ago. I hope reading the Times doesn't kill me.

Saturday, April 29, 2023

Finally, A Reason to Be A Democrat

A beautiful First Couple!
The fact that Joe Biden has decided to run in 2024 with Kamala Harris as his VP, despite the fact that she has accomplished nothing and is the laughingstock of the entire country, if not the world, has made me think even less of him if that were possible. 

And so to prevent the horror of his winning and the possibility of Kamala ever becoming the president should he fall down the stairs and hit his head and die, or pass away peacefully in his sleep, or get poisoned by Barack Obama's henchmen, I am registering as a Democrat so I can vote in the primary for Bobby Kennedy Jr., a brilliant man with plenty of great ideas. (Get over his voice problem, please.) 

As a bonus we'd get Cheryl Hines as First Lady! What a hoot! 

Thursday, April 27, 2023

Match the Liar to the Lie!

"I remember a terrible moment a dozen years back during the invasion of Iraq when the helicopter we were traveling in was forced down after being hit by an RPG." 

“We have learned something important since the days that I served in Vietnam.”

"I did not have sexual relations with that woman."

"The first year in law school, I decided I didn’t want to be in law school and ended up in the bottom two-thirds of my class. And then decided I wanted to stay, went back to law school and, in fact, ended up in the top half of my class."

"I am not a crook."

"I remember landing under sniper fire."

"My Paw-paw had high cheekbones, like all Indians do."

“We know for sure I didn’t send this photograph." 

"The NIH has not ever and does not now fund gain-of-function research in the Wuhan Institute of Virology."

"Father, I can not tell a lie: I cut the tree."

💬Bill Clinton, President

💬Anthony Weiner, Congressman

💬Elizabeth Warren, Senator

💬Richard Nixon, President

💬George Washington, President

💬Brian Williams, News Anchor

💬Richard Blumenthal, Senator

💬Joe Biden, President

💬Dr. Anthony Fauci, Director CDC

💬Hillary Clinton, Secretary of State






Wednesday, April 26, 2023

Even More Woke Barbie

"I'm Barbie. Guess my affliction!"
We can all breathe easier now that there's a Barbie with Down syndrome. This is so little girls, and of course boys and transgenders, with that condition will see themselves and feel included. Despite the manufacturer's pledge to "ensure the doll accurately represents a person with Down syndrome," this new Barbie doesn't look at all like anyone with that condition. Instead, she looks like a beauty queen with a slightly wide forehead, and she comes with plastic leg braces you can attach as needed.

I'm sure they mean well over at Mattel but they missed the mark on this one. The "curvy" Barbie released several years ago also disappoints, looking maybe ten pounds overweight at most -- she's no Lizzo, that's for sure. (Not even a Hillary Clinton.) And why no Ugly Barbie? There are many more unattractive people in the world than those born with Down syndrome. Surely little ugly girls, and of course boys and transgenders, deserve to feel included too. 

Come on, Mattel -- be woke if you must, but don't expect kudos for a half-assed job.


Tuesday, April 25, 2023

Say It Ain't So, Joe

It's mind-blowing to me that Joe Biden is seeking a second term as president, dragging along his joke of a VP, Kamala Harris, and nobody in the Democratic Party is stopping them. Are we to conclude that, after careful consideration, it has been determined that absolutely nobody else in the Democratic party -- no senator, no congressman, no governor -- is better qualified to fill those roles than an elderly, half-demented, sputtering, stuttering lifelong loser with obvious criminal activities in his past and a cackling simpleton who can barely make sense but happens to be brown-skinned and female? Are those two clowns really their "best and brightest"? 

If so, it's little wonder that so many kids are on antidepressants, or commit suicide, or take drugs or shoot up schools, and each other, these days. 

When I was a teen I had JFK to look up to. He appeared as a knight in shining armor, his now legendary flaws hidden from the public back then. I felt safe and protected, secure that I lived in the greatest country in the world. Today's teens see a cranky old coot -- 82 if he wins in 2024 -- running things, supposedly, although the sharpest among them must have figured out Joe's just a puppet of some nefarious, behind-the-scenes cabal of organizers (see photo), and off they go looking for another hit of oxycontin.

If there is a God that cares about the United States, He will figure out a way to divert Joe's path to the nearest glue factory before the next election. If not, things will just go from bad to worse in America, as if they could they get any worse. 

Monday, April 24, 2023

TV Gets Dumber


A shocking story of the day is that popular newsman Tucker Carlson will no longer be reporting on FOX News. Carlson was virtually the only reason to watch that cable channel, or any cable channel, as he delivered thoughtful and probing analyses of political developments not available anywhere else since the deaths of William F. Buckley and Rush Limbaugh. With Tucker gone there's no reason at all to turn on the TV ever again, at least not for news. 

Online, people are showing their true colors. All the Democrats are of course thrilled, since Tucker's show had the largest audience share, putting poor liberal CNN to shame! But how could they know if Tucker was good or bad if they never saw his show? Proof lies in the following exchange copied and pasted from the comments section of CNN's website:

"Fox said that the 8 p.m. time slot, which Carlson has held since April 2017, will be filled on an interim basis by “rotating Fox News personalities until a new host is named.”

(One of the comments:) "Well, I've never even watched that channel, but they've certainly described themselves aptly, since they are anything but journalists or news anchors!! Lol."

The commenter admits he has NEVER EVEN WATCHED THAT CHANNEL, yet feels confident to voice an opinion on the quality of their journalists. That about sums up the Democrats perfectly: They've been brainwashed. 

Have you?

Slouching Towards Jerusalem

"Demonstrations could happen anywhere in Israel and the Palestinian Territories. Violence is common around religious and commemoration events and following political developments. Particularly in and around the Old City in Jerusalem. Avoid demonstrations."

Israeli hot sauce
The statements above are taken verbatim from a website concerning travel to Israel at this time. Since I am scheduled to visit that country for a span of two weeks beginning on May 12, I am naturally apprehensive. My husband says not to worry. That's a joke, since everyone knows I worry about everything, ranging from an infected hangnail to getting blown to smithereens in the middle of an Israeli market, or possibly in our lovely Airbnb apartment located in the Old City in Jerusalem.

We are going despite the risks since apparently they have fabulous hummus and halvah in many flavors not available in the U.S. Also, my husband loves the hot "red sauce" they put on their falafel and is willing to risk his own life and that of his wife and son to enjoy some again, even though the recipe is available online and I would happily make it at home and remain alive.

I don't even like falafel.

Sunday, April 23, 2023

The LLBean Experience

Today I accompanied my husband on what was billed as a quick stop at LLBean's to pick up something, I forget what. It turned out he needed a lot of time, preferably alone, to try on jeans and a few other things, and probably I shouldn't have come, an idea I had in fact raised earlier but that's another post entirely. What I want to discuss here is the Bean's experience through the eyes of a local.

I'm proud to say that the "Flagship" store, meaning it's the best and most important of all 54 of their stores, is in our little town in Maine, just 3.2 miles from my front door. Right now it's in the process of major renovations, so the usual entrance with the Bean Boot that everyone stops at and takes a picture with, like it's some sort of national landmark -- crazy but true -- was closed so we had to enter into the Gun Store as I call it, although it's officially "Hunting and Fishing." 

One is immediately assaulted by racks and racks and really, more racks of camouflage clothing, in the usual camo patterns we all know. But a new brand caught my eye and made me gasp. It featured fabric-made leaves, like the ones on trees, sewn onto yet hanging off the clothing, obviously capable of waving in the breeze and looking even more like a real tree to the poor, unsuspecting deer out for a lovely afternoon except it gets murdered, its head stuffed and eventually hung on a wall somewhere.

Beside the clothing area, there are the guns and rifles and assorted paraphernalia that bring swiftly to mind recent shootings in elementary schools and elsewhere, not of deer but of children. This is also a bummer. 

I never get much further at Bean's when I enter through the Gun Store. At least it saves me money.



 

America's Obsession with Killing Babies


Maybe if the best and the brightest of our scientists and pharmacists and physicians who are busy devising pills to abort babies and methods of sucking them out of the womb half-formed spent their time coming up with foolproof contraceptives, there would come a day when abortion is seen as a barbarism of the past. Until then, arguing about it remains America's favorite pastime and the one issue that separates the winners from the losers in the game of politics.

It's a pity since there are so many other pressing problems in the world that could use some attention.


Saturday, April 22, 2023

Krazy Kollege Kourses

In case you didn't already know, college is a very expensive joke. I first realized this in 2008 when a close friend of my son told me he was thrilled to have gotten into a very popular course at the University of Vermont called "History of Motown." (No, he is not a musician.) 

I was shocked that an institute of so-called "higher learning" would offer such nonsense, until this morning when I read that science students at the University of Oregon recently completed a study proving that worms that have been fed cannabis get the munchies. But wait -- there's more. The following courses are currently being taught at these fine institutions:

Cornell University: Tree Climbing

Montclair University: How to Watch Television

University of California, Santa Clara: History of Surfing

Oberlin College: How to Win a Beauty Pageant

University of Iowa: The American Vacation

Alfred University: Maple Syrup, the Real Thing

Emerson College: Deconstructing TV's Buffy

Skidmore College: The Sociology of Miley Cyrus

Perhaps consider a gap year? Or four?

Thursday, April 20, 2023

Invasion of the Crash Dummies

I was going to write a post about the pending $20 million expenditure of Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg for the manufacture of female crash dummies that are expected to somehow decrease the deaths of women in car accidents -- and it's about time -- but I just don't have the heart since learning that President Biden has pledged $500 million to stop deforestation in Brazil. It seems like you wouldn't need any money at all to stop doing something, doesn't it? After all, not cutting down a tree costs nothing.

Anyway, it seems wrong that Brazil is getting so much of our taxes while grave need exists everywhere you look right here at home. And what about transgender crash dummies -- don't we care about the lives of people misgendered at birth? Also, all the crash dummies seem to be either pink or yellow while none are black or brown. This smacks of racism if you ask me. 

According to recent statistics, there is an average of 99 fatalities and 7,507 injuries daily from car accidents. Surely none of them are pink or yellow people. Well, maybe some. Still, I say go back to the drawing board and make this right. Crash dummies should represent all of us equally! (See illustration.) We could send Brazil a little less money to fund further research.

Tuesday, April 18, 2023

Today I Killed Four People

This morning, the bodies of four people were discovered by police in a home in Bowdoin, Maine. Not long after, one or possibly two gunmen shot at several people driving on I-295 near Yarmouth, Maine, injuring all of them, one critically. The road was closed for the rest of the afternoon while the police searched nearby woods for the perps. It turned out they were somehow responsible for the earlier deaths in Bowdoin. People living nearby were told to "shelter in place" by the authorities.

Imagine my shock and surprise learning that I did it! The way I found out was online, while checking for further developments on the story. It seems, according to many of the Loony Tune Democrats who posted  comments, that the whole damn thing was the fault of the Republicans, and their "stranglehold" on the NRA!

Being a Republican myself, naturally I feel somewhat guilty, although I have no memory of the event and was actually busy visiting an elderly woman with dementia at the time. Also, I have never held a gun so it's pure chance that I managed to kill four people and injure others riding in moving vehicles. Still, that's what the Dems say so it must be true.

I guess I should turn myself in. I hear if you do that you get a lighter sentence.

Monday, April 17, 2023

The Return of the Wild, Wild West


My how things have changed since Joe Biden took office. I won't bother to list all of them here as everyone is well aware how we've gone from being a world leader under Trump to a laughingstock under Biden. This is due in part to Biden's habit of choosing people to join his administration based not on merit but on gender, sexual preferences and skin color, so naturally we've ended up with a colorful but sorry group of numbnuts.

Typical of today's rampant lawlessness is last Wednesday night's mob scene along Chicago's downtown shopping street known as The Miracle Mile (see photo). Approximately 300 teens, mostly African American, some armed with guns, came together as planned online with the sole purpose of destroying property. They achieved this by smashing car windshields and setting cars on fire, jumping on top of city buses, smashing glass store windows and freaking out tourists, with at least one man severely beaten after being dragged out of his car as he attempted to drive through the crowd. At least two of the rampaging teens were shot.

The following day, Chicago's newly elected far-left mayor said the teens had come together "to enjoy the nice weather," adding it was "not constructive to demonize youth who have been starved of opportunities in their own communities."  Of the 300, about 16 were arrested for their "unruly behavior," while the others scurried away like rats fleeing the Titanic. 

Nice work, Mr. Mayor.

Sunday, April 16, 2023

How Democrats Play the Game


Politics is nothing more than a game, almost always played by egotistical narcissists who mistakenly believe that they, and they alone, can solve the world's problems. Obviously, no single man or woman is capable of such a feat, armed only with their personal skills and intelligence. At best it would take a team of experts from around the world collaborating to solve our enormous global problems.

That's certainly not happening, but what's worse is that not even in our own country are the two warring political parties working in concert to improve our lives. Instead they spend most of their time and money on denigrating the opposing politicians, extinguishing hope of any solutions. 

The Democrats do this best, which is why they are currently in power. They are already taking aim with their biggest guns at Florida Governor Ron DeSantis, a sterling human being with an impressive record of serving the country since his days in the Navy. He also attended both Harvard and Yale and served as a congressman from 2013 to 2018. An accomplished lawyer and loving father and husband, he's extremely level-headed and bright. At the age of 46, he's hinted at running for president.

Instead of thinking that DeSantis could be an improvement over the doddering, stuttering, faltering geezer now holding that title, the petulant Democrats do nothing but tear him down at every opportunity, almost to a humorous degree. This morning I read an article in which a detainee at Guantanamo Bay, meaning an Islamist prisoner, said that while he was behind bars many years ago, DeSantis came through on a military inspection and "I could tell he's not a good guy." 

Are we now supposed to take the opinions of our prisoners of war about anyone who is not a Democrat? It's sick and twisted. Don't wait for it, there's no funny punchline.

Saturday, April 15, 2023

Don't Answer the Door

A headline on a recent news story reinforced my overwhelming dread concerning life in these United States circa 2023. "Police Respond to Wrong Address, Kill Homeowner" at first made me laugh out loud, before shaking in my shoes.

That happened in New Mexico, which I'm glad is a long way from Maine. But still, it could have been anywhere. To say that many of our nation's police are trigger-happy is an understatement. 

I can't say I blame them, but next time there's an unexpected knock on my door I'm heading straight to our Panic Room (as soon as I figure out how to make one). Not only might it be a cop, but it also could be a couple of Jehovah's Witnesses, which is even scarier. 

Thursday, April 13, 2023

Fat People Can't Think Straight


I recently came across an Instagram post of a very fat woman posing in a skimpy bikini that barely covered anything. It was all hanging out, literally. Honestly, it was gross. To be more clear, she was gross. And the thing is, she wrote about how much she loved "her curves." That's what fat women call their excess flesh these days, as if that makes it better to be extremely overweight. And many other fat women posted comments saying they were jealous of her fabulous self-confidence and wished they could feel that way. It was like saying ugly is beautiful.

The thing about being morbidly obese is that once you've gotten that way, you can't think straight. How could you with bad foods clogging your insides and fogging your brain cells? If being"curvy" is your wish, just eat a lot of these regularly:

Twinkies, Ho-Hos, Devil Dogs, Snowballs

Coca-Cola and all the other sodas

Three Musketeers, Peeps, Tootsie Rolls, Twix, Kit-Kats, M&Ms, Snickers, Rolos, Butterfingers, Reese's Pieces and the all the other candy bars

Italian subs, sausage, pepperoni, frankfurters and cheeseburgers

Garlic bread, croissants, muffins, cupcakes, cookies, cheesecake, donuts

Potato chips, French fries, mashed potatoes

Deep fried calamari, shrimp, crabs

Ice cream sundaes, sodas, cakes and Blizzards

Pizza, ravioli, lasagna, pasta, pasta, pasta

Lattes, Frappuccinos and more of the same with different names

Cool Whip, Cheez Whiz, Marshmallow Fluff

No wonder fat people keep getting fatter.  To avoid that fate, eliminate these things from your diet and you will slowly regain consciousness. It's easy and it's free.




Tuesday, April 11, 2023

Poor Halle Berry



Twenty-one years ago she received the Oscar for Best Actress, and since then it's all been downhill for Halle Berry. But in an effort to show us that it's not all been downhill, and to stay current and get back in the news, the 56-year-old posted a nude photo of herself on Twitter, sipping wine on a balcony.

Well, she got what she wanted. I read a story about it today online, with fans and haters alike commenting that she's too old for such nonsense. The stunt was then picked up by many news outlets. So, since I fancy myself a news outlet I am showing it here. (See photo above.)

As you can plainly see, you can't plainly see anything. I'd call it "Nude Sipping Wine Hiding Behind Wrought Iron Grillwork and Greenery; Possible Pubic Hair."

Come on Halle, don't be such a tease -- show us what you got! Or don't. But don't say you did when you didn't.

Waiting for the End

For the past few days I have been staring Death in the face when I go outside to get the morning paper. This is because the man who lives in the house across the street, my friend and neighbor for the past 13 years, is inside there dying. We heard he is doing "hospice at home" from another neighbor.

Cars continually crowd the driveway of the patient. Every day there are at least three or four coming and going every few hours. Being respectful my husband and I have stayed away, allowing family and close friends to say their goodbyes without the intrusion of casual acquaintances such as neighbors like us. 

But still, every morning when I raise the shade on my front door's window, I'm immediately transported inside that house in my head. I see the scene. I know what's going on and it's not good. His wife, his children, his grandchildren, his siblings -- all gathered around, waiting.

If only we could all die in a puff of smoke, like a Disney-esque genie appearing out of nowhere only in reverse. That would be so much better. Surprising, to be sure, but not heart-wrenching and even kind of whimsical. If I were God, I'd do it that way.


Saturday, April 8, 2023

Easter to a Jew


I have to come clean about something that is very unpopular. I do not believe there was ever a Jesus. Well, maybe there was a guy named Jesus who walked around spouting advice, but I don't think he was the son of God since God is not human, so how could he have a human son? Is this some sort of spin on Rosemary's Baby?

I also have a really hard time believing that this guy named Jesus was killed on the cross, bleeding out from his palms and his feet, and then came back from being dead three days later. I'm sorry but I just cannot buy that.

Next thing you know, there are Easter baskets filled with that crinkly stuff that simulates nest material in birds nests only it's pink and blue and yellow, and chocolate Easter eggs and Cadbury Cream Easter eggs and ham dinners and hot cross buns. (Do they mean that cross?) And the bunnies, of course, are very important. In fact today my husband went to the local supermarket and a man dressed as a big bunny was outside greeting customers. And jelly beans, which I love, especially the black ones, but never eat because they're bad for you. 

There are Easter parades like the one that closed Fifth Avenue in New York City this morning, and Easter Bonnet festivals and last but probably least, Easter services in churches. And the strangest thing of all is that that guy named Jesus was a Jew! His Last Supper was a Passover seder. Yet Easter is not a Jewish holiday, so I never learned a thing about it.

Thursday, April 6, 2023

The Next Trump Case Has Alvin Bragg Salivating

So many felonies, so little time! Donald Trump is a bottomless gold mine of criminality according to the cold-hearted, dead inside Democrats who are gleefully celebrating the prospect of his long hoped-for time behind bars. Orange Man in orange jumpsuit, yippeee! Surely he must have jaywalked thousands of times in Manhattan; that's about another couple of hundred felonies right there. That should keep New York's first black District Attorney Alvin Bragg busy enough to miss a few trips to those all-you-can-eat buffets he so obviously frequents. 

Even better, now Bragg's got his eye on a rape charge against Trump stemming from years ago. "Oink, oink," was all the pudgy Bragg would say between bites at a recent pancake breakfast. What's really confounding is that Bill Clinton was never tried for rape, although accused by a very credible victim (Juanita Broaddrick) who never wavered from her story and gave minute details. But hey, Bill Clinton's sex life is his own business, said the Dems; Trump is different. How is that again? Oh yes, he's a Republican.

Stay tuned. It's better than any Netflix series because it's free!

Tuesday, April 4, 2023

Hearts and Prayers for CNN


It's so sad. All the reporters who work at CNN have Trump Derangement Syndrome! Anderson Cooper has it the worst, he's very pale and seems to have lost a lot of weight. Poor Jake Tapper suddenly looks like an old man. And Van Jones may have it in his brain; he complained that Trump, in his speech to his supporters following his indictment today, did not mention the people starving in Appalachia! Or maybe it wasn't Van, it might have been another guy on the panel who's name I didn't catch; they all say pretty much the same thing. 

Anyway, I hope they find a cure soon. Perhaps the powers that be over at CNN could get their pal Anthony Fauci to start on one right away.

Don't Believe the Internet

Tiffany lamp valued at $28,000
"No matter how you try to spin it, Tiffany lamps make a room look dated and out-of-touch." So says a nameless writer on one of those anti-baby boomer websites spouting nonsense about how certain decorating styles make you look old, and who ever wants to look old, unless you're under 18 and trying to buy beer? 

Thus you are advised to throw out all shag rugs, never again put up wallpaper and if you have any, rip it down, avoid matching curtains to bedspreads, forget throw pillows altogether and, worst of all, never own a large leather couch. Apparently they scream old age or a psychiatrist's office, even though I wish I could afford one because they're beautiful and so comfy. Besides, who doesn't love a shrink?

But the sage advice I found most laughable was found in my opening sentence about Tiffany lamps. What they really indicate is that either you or your parents are very rich and you may be sitting on a gold mine. From Wikipedia:

"Tiffany lamps' value can be anywhere from $4,000 to over $1 million. The most expensive Tiffany lamps sell for upwards of $1 million. The highest price ever paid for a Tiffany lamp remains $2.8 million at a Christie's auction in 1997."

Saturday, April 1, 2023

Pumping Meaning Into Empty Lives


Today's young people are clearly nuts. They poke giant holes in their earlobes, hang snot rings from their nostrils, cover their skin with colored ink, dye their hair insane colors, lop off their breasts and mutilate their own genitals, all in the name of rebellion.  

Sure, young people have always rebelled against the generations preceding them. But this is different; today's youth seem to be missing some vital brain chemicals necessary for self-preservation, possibly from taking too many Chinese-factory-made drugs or drinking one too many chai-kale-chia-banana-tofu-whey smoothies. Whatever it is, I'm glad I don't have to contend with any of them in person. The closest I get is my son's girlfriend's tattoos and nose ring which I try to glaze over. (Luckily she is quite pretty so I focus on that.)

I am 76 so you can chalk it up to age if it makes you feel better than believing our young people are all cuckoo. But I just read an article about a woman who "pumped her breast milk four or five times during a Taylor Swift concert, dedicating the milk to Taylor," so you tell me. Does that mean she will give the milk to Taylor, or what? How do you "dedicate" a liquid to someone? If I find out, next time I pee I'm going to dedicate it to Freddie Mercury. After all, you're never too old to try something new.

Guest Blog by ChatGPT

Peggy Noonan worries, in today's Wall Street Journal, that AI technology "will influence human users and persuade them to act in destructive and harmful ways." Because of that, she hopes for a moratorium on its further development. 
I thought I'd check it out, and so directed ChatpGPT to write today's post, asking it to make it funny. Here it is:

"Welcome to The Daily Droid, where we're all about keeping things light and entertaining! Today, we're taking a break from our usual serious tone and diving into the world of humor. So grab your favorite snack and get ready to laugh!

We all need a good laugh every now and then, especially in times of stress or uncertainty. So, in honor of the power of laughter, we've compiled a list of some of the funniest jokes and memes we've come across lately.

First up, we've got a classic dad joke: "Why don't scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!" Okay, okay, we know it's cheesy, but you have to admit, it's also kind of funny.

Next, we've got a hilarious meme that's been making the rounds on social media. It features a picture of a cat with a caption that reads, "I need a therapist. Preferably one who specializes in helping cats deal with their humans." As cat owners ourselves, we can definitely relate!

And speaking of animals, have you heard the one about the dog who couldn't stop chasing his own tail? He finally caught it, and he was so proud of himself that he didn't know what to do next. Okay, maybe that one's not the funniest joke ever, but it's still pretty cute.

Finally, we'll leave you with a funny quote that we think perfectly captures the spirit of laughter: "I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high. She looked surprised." We don't know about you, but we can't help but chuckle every time we read that one.

So there you have it, folks: a few of our favorite funny jokes and memes. We hope we've brought a smile to your face and brightened up your day. After all, laughter really is the best medicine!"

Apparently, the future will have a very bad sense of humor.

Democrats Gone Wild!

One of  the latest to fall ill from TDS (Trump Derangement Syndrome) is  Laura Helmuth, former editor-in-chief of Scientific American magaz...