Today I Killed Four People

This morning, the bodies of four people were discovered by police in a home in Bowdoin, Maine. Not long after, one or possibly two gunmen shot at several people driving on I-295 near Yarmouth, Maine, injuring all of them, one critically. The road was closed for the rest of the afternoon while the police searched nearby woods for the perps. It turned out they were somehow responsible for the earlier deaths in Bowdoin. People living nearby were told to "shelter in place" by the authorities.

Imagine my shock and surprise learning that I did it! The way I found out was online, while checking for further developments on the story. It seems, according to many of the Loony Tune Democrats who posted  comments, that the whole damn thing was the fault of the Republicans, and their "stranglehold" on the NRA!

Being a Republican myself, naturally I feel somewhat guilty, although I have no memory of the event and was actually busy visiting an elderly woman with dementia at the time. Also, I have never held a gun so it's pure chance that I managed to kill four people and injure others riding in moving vehicles. Still, that's what the Dems say so it must be true.

I guess I should turn myself in. I hear if you do that you get a lighter sentence.