The Ridiculousness of Celebrity

There are so many things wrong with Man, it's hard to know where to start. First off, let me clarify that when I say Man I mean mankind, a term encompassing men, women, and any others who think they are legitimate genders -- I cannot begin to name them all here since there are new ones popping up every day. Anyway, of the things that are wrong with Man, possibly the worst is the adoration of and interest in false idols, i.e. celebrities. For example, today I saw the following headline on the Internet:"Find Out What Martha Stewart Really Thinks of Snoop Dogg." I did not click, but I'm betting some people did. To be interested in such a story requires a stunning set of circumstances:

1. You have to know who Martha Stewart is and who Snoop Dogg is. This knowledge demands constant vigilance on your part, involving the reading of celebrity magazines and watching TV a lot, and for many years.

2. While not really necessary but definitely helpful, you have to know that Snoop Dogg is a human. Then you have to have a preconceived notion of what the person named Martha Stewart thinks of Snoop Dogg. This article will replace what you thought you knew, and will likely surprise you, by informing you of her true feelings for him (or her).

3. Most important, you have to give a shit. Like it has to impact your life in some way. Since it won't matter in 99.99% of cases, what's it worth? Not a damn thing. It will only serve to take up valuable, and shrinking as you get older, brain space you might better use for things like doing your taxes or figuring out how to fix that light in your kitchen that comes on sometimes and not others. Or you might read a good book that will enlighten you to the mysteries of the Universe, neither of which Martha Stewart and Snoop Dogg are. The possibilities are endless.

Celebrity is defined as the condition of being well-known by a broad base of the population as a result of attention being paid them by mass media. That's it. The category is huge, encompassing Jeffrey Dahmer, who ate his victim's body parts after he killed and dismembered them, and Don Lemon, a total idiot hired by a CNN to spew his opinions simply because he is black and gay. Then there's Whoopie Goldberg, a woman who looks like a cartoon who talks for a living and has crazy hair and wears outlandish clothing, as if that's enough. 

Celebrities are considered by most average people to be better than the rest of us. This is certainly not true, as evidenced by the large proportion of them who are cheaters, liars, embezzlers, drug addicts, alcoholics, and suicides who from time to time end up in jail or dead in a bathtub filled with their own vomit. So what's with all the adulation?

Personally, I'd rather know what Snoop Dogg thinks of Martha Stewart.