Biden Derangement Syndrome

Who is pulling the strings?

As if I didn't already have enough things wrong with me, like high blood pressure, diverticulitis, heart disease and an extra ten pounds, now there's another debilitating condition and this one's the worst: Biden Derangement Syndrome (BDS). Except for the ten pounds my conditions come and go, but BDS is a constant irritant, slowly morphing into a full-blown distraction that will obliterate every chance of normal behavior, not to mention peace of mind, if I let it.

Finally I understand how all those people with Trump Derangement Syndrome feel. (Poor Nancy Pelosi, she is the poster child for TDS.) Markers for the disease are the firm belief the election was rigged, that Biden is a brain-addled puppet of the Machine, and that his agenda is to not only to placate China but also turn America into China, complete with its broad censorship, constant surveillance of the populous, and the ruination of anyone who dares to dissent.

Unless we are vigilant, victims of BDS are in a world of hurt since Biden's ugly mug is everywhere, causing alternating waves of nausea and horror. (For the first time I'm grateful for coronavirus because half of his pasty-white face is often covered with a mask.) Following are some steps you can take to keep most of the symptoms -- depression, sadness, shock, disbelief, anger, sobbing alternating with wild laughter -- under control:

1. Never turn on the TV.

2. Don't look at any newspapers or the Internet.

3. Do not engage in political conversations.

4. Stay in bed, preferably under the covers.

5. Learn Chinese.