Windbags of Change

My predictions have not always been right, and I'm not suggesting you run out and bet the farm on this one, but I think Obama is toast. (That's not my prediction.) I truly believe that he is a one-termer, and that even some of the Kool-Aid drinking Democrats are sick and tired of his soaring rhetoric comprised of empty promises and wind-baggy speechifying. (That's not my prediction either.) After he loses, what will he do? Who cares. But I do think someone besides Barack will be bigger than ever after the election, and I don't just mean Mitt Romney. Here's my prediction: Michelle Obama will be the new Oprah.

Think about it. After Oprah left daytime TV, that huge void--and I do mean huge--was never filled. All those stay-at-home moms are still desperately seeking a new Life Guru, someone to tell them what to eat, how to dress, who to read and when to think. Marie Osmond is set to premier her new daytime talk show, but you better tune in quick because that should be gone pronto. Yes, she lost a lot of weight after calling Jenny, but she's still a Mormon and her son committed suicide with a drug overdose, two things that undercut her credibility. But Michelle---who's better than Michelle?

Nobody, that's who. Listen: Like Oprah, she's black. Like Oprah, she's outgoing with a sunny disposition and a deep well of compassion for the little guy, the underdog, the loser. And like Oprah, she loves celebrities and chitchat and can talk a blue streak, shoveling BS down the throats of the willing masses who all think she's Cleopatra. Plus, let's not forget that Michelle was the First Lady! And she can tell you how to lose weight and get more exercise, and even better than Oprah, she's thin! And she has those toned arms! And she's married to Barack, who will be way cooler once he's freed from the restraints of the Oval Office! And her mother lives with her so she's got the seniors on her side, and her two teenage daughters will win her the younger generation. Imagine who she can get to come on her show: okay, maybe not Bibi Netanyahu, but Beyonce and Jay-Z for sure! Heck, she's already been on The View and Letterman and Leno--she is so couch-ready, it's not funny!

Admit it, it's a great idea. Just remember--you read it here first.