Confessions of An Undecided Voter

I'd like to come clean about something: I have absolutely no insider knowledge concerning politics. The closest I have ever come to power is when I was dating the DNC convention chairman in 1980 and one time Jimmy Carter called him at home when I was there. Oh yeah--then I lived three houses away from Carol Browner when she was head of the EPA during the Clinton years, and her son named Zach was best friends with my son named Zack, which everyone found quite adorable. I did go to the White House Press Photographers dinner once as somebody's date, but I have never met any sitting president, unless you count JFK when he was out campaigning and he blew through our little town on a bus and shook my mother's hand, and of course I touched her hand all the time so I guess you can say that Kevin Bacon-wise, I was only one degree away from JFK.  Anyway, I have never been included in any meetings on policy, and have no idea about what's really happening anywhere in the world. All I know is what I read in the paper, hear on the radio or see on TV.

Yesterday morning I began the day by reading several editorials in the New York Times--my husband buys it when he's out of town-- and concluded that Romney is nothing more than pond scum. Then I read Karl Rove's op-ed piece in the Wall Street Journal and realized that Obama is a total liar, and that he lies about everything! Around lunchtime I ran a few errands and listened to Rush Limbaugh on my car radio, who opened my eyes to the fact that the Liberals are a bunch of frothing lunatics who fabricate all those political polls to sway an unsuspecting, moronic public, and that no incumbent has ever been re-elected without more than 50 percent in September and Obama is only at 47 percent. (Percent of what I'm not sure since right then I drove through a construction area and couldn't hear it very well.)

Preparing dinner later that evening, I turned on the TV and heard that some polls show Romney is ahead in some important places but behind in Ohio, and that no incumbent has ever won a second term without winning in Ohio. By nightfall my head was swimming. On FOX, Bill O'Reilly said Obama is an ineffectual fool, while Rachel Maddow over at MSNBC has undeniable proof that Mitt hates all women, minorities and the poor. I must be a real lame-brain, because a lot of my Facebook friends know exactly what's going on, and have no doubt whatsoever that their facts are 100% accurate. I wonder how.