Talk Like Me Day

Today is "International Talk Like A Pirate Day." I wanted to learn all about its origins, but each timeI tried to get on the official website, I got a notice saying it was either broken or too busy. Arrrgggh, I guess.

Actually, I know very little about pirates. I never saw any of those Johnny Depp movies where he's got a babushka on his head and a big gold earring because I didn't want to ruin my memories of all those great movies he made back when he had scruples, so I'm clueless there. Then Linda Ronstadt made a movie--or was it an opera?-- about the Pirates of Penzance, and again, I didn't see it. So I'm dumb on the subject, and have no idea how they really talk. In fact, most of my knowledge comes from seeing "Peter Pan" as a youngster, and since all those pirates were fairly mean, especially Captain Hook, naturally as I grew I steered clear of all pirate communities, not that I ever saw any. Then, starting about ten years ago, real modern-day pirates started boarding rich people's yachts and holding them for ransom off the African coast and other parts of the world where I never go, being yachtless.

It all sounds dreadful, if you ask me, and yet somehow they warrant their own "special day." Hey--I want a day! How about "National Talk Like Andrea Rouda Day"? Following are key phrases one should know in order to participate:

1. Oy vay.
2. Sue me.
3. Anyway,
4. Give me a break.
5. Boo-fucking-hoo!
6. I have no idea.
7. Oh please.