Those Annoying Phone Calls

As if things aren't bad enough, what with being on the brink of World War Three and a potentially disastrous election looming, not to mention what's happening in Israel, there are those damn telemarketers making you want to just stay in bed all day eating bonbons.

I just got one with the Caller ID of Maine Rural Water, which might have been real since we have been having some local water issues lately, so I picked up. The woman spoke with an indeterminate accent, sort of a cross between Chinese and a southern drawl, like maybe she was holding her map of the United States upside down. The high pitch of her voice sounded like one of those talking baby dolls where you pull the string out of its back and it says,"I'm hungry!" or "The dog goes Woof" or "My name is Crissy, what's yours!" Our conversation follows:

Chinese Baby Doll: Ma'am, we very concerned about your cable service, there is problem we like to fix for y'all.

Me: Great, thanks!

Baby Doll: Is your TV turned on? If no, please to turn on now.

Me: Yes, it is. (It wasn't.)

Baby Doll: Okay please pick up remote. Are y'all holding remote in your hand?

Me: Yes. (I wasn't.)

Baby Doll: Okay, now look at lower right corner of remote and see logo. Can you tell me what that logo is?

Me: Why does that matter?

Baby Doll: We have to know if you have the correct remote, so we can fix cable service.

Me: My cable service is fine.

Baby Doll: Not fine, is a problem.

Thank God a real person called me on my cell phone so I hung up. Otherwise I would probably still be on the house phone with her, which would have given her Chinese masters enough time to make a complete cloned copy of me for when they come to take over America. They must do it through the TV remote.