In and Out Time

Go blow your nose, something is dripping out of it and making me nauseous.....

Once again it's time for those "what's in and what's out" lists written by arrogant newspaper editors, as if they have inside information on these things when really what they have, speaking as a former newspaper writer, art director and editor, is a need to fill column inches with whatever comes to mind.

Having been one of those before becoming an Aging Baby Boomer Who No Longer Matters, I feel justified in coming up with my own list. It's called What I Wish Were In and Out in 2024, and appears below.

OUT

Saying "At the end of the day" unless it's after about 7 pm and the day is over and something has happened of note

Any news article about Taylor Swift except her obituary

Referring to transgender surgery as "gender-affirming" and abortions as "reproductive health"

Discussing one's gender and announcing one's pronouns

Trashing Donald Trump and the millions of people who support him

Long, bleached-blond hair on women over 60 and ponytails on men who are bald on top

Pretending that Joe Biden actually makes any decisions and Kamala Harris is not an idiot

Insisting that morbid obesity is beautiful rather than a clear sign of addiction

Nose rings that look like dripping snot, most tattoos 

IN

Respecting your body

Being a vegetarian

Giving to charity instead of celebrities

Planting vegetable gardens on front lawns instead of grass

Thinking your parents are cool

Jews lauded for their many contributions to society

Complimentary pillows and blankets for use on airplanes

Authentic Caesar salads in restaurants or none at all

Reading books instead of playing video games

Worst Person of the Year

Sexy, pathetic, deranged 81-year-old Martha

Young wholesome Martha

Martha Stewart, once a wholesome home decorating, flower-arranging and cooking maven, is now 82 years old and stays busy between plastic surgery procedures by pawning herself off as a sex object. It's just too sad to contemplate. Her latest is an Instagram selfie (there have been others like the photo above) showing her in a nightgown standing in front of her bathroom mirror, looking oh-so-pouty with her blonde Barbie hair in disarray and a hint of cleavage between her sagging boobs.

How anyone can live to be that old and still think that looking "sexy" matters in this world beset with wars and hatred and environmental collapse is beyond my comprehension. I guess she learned a lot in prison.

Pertinent footnote: My husband just asked what I'm writing about and when I said Martha Stewart, he replied, "Is she still alive?" 

Jews Are Not the Problem

Jews at home, not out terrorizing the neighborhood.

As the latest, trendiest, progressive (i.e. Democrat) embrace of antisemitism sweeps wildly across the world, a realistic look at what's going on right here in America is perhaps called for. Let's face it: Jews are not the problem. 

Jews don't hijack cars, engage in gangland shootings -- or gangs for that matter -- or plan "smash-n-grab" robberies at high-end shops in big cities like NYC, Chicago and LA, later selling the merchandise online for big bucks.

Jews don't abandon their children. They marry one woman (at a time) and remain as head of the family, unless they get divorced at which time they pay alimony and arrange for visitation with their kids.

Jews are not on welfare. They don't take from the government, they give. They pay their taxes, of course with exceptions but for the most part.

Crime is not way up across the country because of Jews. 

Jews don't push people in front of subways, attack random people on the street and beat them to death, or kill innocent clerks in convenience stores. They don't shoot cops sitting in their parked patrol cars eating lunch.

Jews don't loot. 

Jews don't run drug rings.

There's another group of people that does all of the above but which everyone, including our lawmakers and the media, is afraid to mention for fear of chaotic and unmanageable retaliation. Thus they go unpunished, and in fact are lauded by many for having "overcome" their dark heritage.

If you are desperate to be anti-something, at least pick the right something.

Film Review: MAESTRO

There are so many things wrong with Maestro, now streaming on Netflix, it's hard to choose where to begin.  Bradley Cooper's fake nose (to make him look more Jewish, how nice) is not one of them, although you've likely heard a lot about it already. Yes, it's big and clownish, but it's small change compared to the banal script, uber-gimmicky editing and incessant smoking of cigarettes by just about everyone on screen, extras included. 

Bradley Cooper and his nose having a cigarette.

It's less about the brilliance of Maestro Bernstein and more about his many addictions: to fame, to young men, to cocaine, to nicotine and most of all to self-aggrandizement, the latter being a trait shared by Cooper, who directed, co-wrote and stars in this fiasco. Spoiler alert: If you went in loving him, as I did, you'll leave less smitten.

Turns out Lenny was a closeted queen who married a beautiful actress named Felicia (Carey Mulligan) he professed to love although he treated her badly, stuck in the shadow of his increasing celebrity. To make this point clear, in one scene Felicia is a tiny figure actually standing in Lenny's enormous shadow while he is on stage conducting. The marriage produced three children who were kept in the dark about daddy's secret life, despite hearing rumors and the fact that his latest boy-toy often hung out with the family and joined him on dates with his wife, in public no less.  

The film tries so hard to win an Oscar, it's cringe-inducing. Starting out in black and white signifying the early years, then switching to color to indicate more modern times -- oh wow! Jumping from one scene to another with no rhyme or reason, like one minute he's asleep and the next second he's on the stage at Carnegie Hall -- oh wow! Cooper has quite a bag of tricks up his sleeve --  give the man an Oscar already!!!!

The worst part is the intrusive exploitation of Felicia's sudden lung cancer and ultimate death. The telling is grisly, showing us way more than we need or want to see, and yet Lenny keeps on smoking despite her coughing up blood into little pieces of toilet paper. (Ultimately Bernstein had lung cancer himself but died of a heart attack at 72.)

When it's over, one wonders what made Bernstein so great. We certainly don't find out in this movie.

America's Civil War

Hate has no home here! We are all one people! We should all accept our differences and love one another -- blacks and whites, Native Americans and Congolese, Jews and Christians! That is, assuming we're all Democrats and actively despise all Republicans and especially Donald Trump and Ron DeSantis. 

That was the take-away from last night's panel discussion at the South Portland Jewish Community Alliance, where my husband and I went for a screening of Repairing the World: Stories from the Tree of Life. The documentary reports on the aftermath of the shooting at Pittsburgh's Tree of Life Synagogue in 2018 that ended the lives of eleven congregants and wounded six during Saturday morning services. It remains the deadliest act of anti-Semitism in America to date. The perpetrator, a 50-year old "white supremacist," was caught, tried and sentenced to death. (He is currently in a federal prison in Indiana.)

Although the subject was dire, the film was fabulous. Beautifully shot featuring drone footage high over the city of Pittsburgh in autumn, many of the images were stunning. On the ground we were introduced to survivors of the attack three years later, and saw how they were coping with the tragic loss of their loved ones. It was quite inspiring to see the various faith leaders of the city, including Christians and Muslims, coming together to wholeheartedly mourn with and support the Jewish people.

The discussion after the film was not so good. Despite the copious spread of bagels, lox, cream cheese, capers, sliced onions, tomatoes and cucumbers uniting all of us as Jews, the conversation did some damage if you were not a Democrat, something that was assumed by the speakers on the podium and most of the audience. "I'm sure all of us here in this room watch CNN and MSNBC," said one man who spoke up, inferring that anyone who watches anything else is deplorable. 

One of the panelists, supposedly a rabbi although I had my doubts, made several derogatory and downright hateful comments about Donald Trump, earning him obvious vocalized favor with the crowd. His further observation that "Ron DeSantis hates anything woke" also received a positive response from the roughly 40 attendees. Naturally, both my husband and myself kept quiet because that's what Republicans do; it's the Democrats who sow discord -- loudly, often and with much conviction. 

The event made me realize that I feel more accepted among a group of gentile Republicans than Democrat Jews. But the movie was really good, and of course the lox and bagels helped. Still, it was deeply disheartening to learn that "Hate has no home here" excludes those of a different political party, Jew or not.

What Are Palestinians Good At?

I googled "achievements of Palestinians" and found none, zip, nil, nada. Then I googled "achievements of Jews" and found everything you use and wear, all life-saving  medical devices, every scientific advancement, all cures and treatments for all illnesses, all aspects of the entertainment world, and most literary awards.

So go ahead and support the Palestinians and get what you deserve: bupkis. Oh yes, and head scarves.

"Electeds of Color" Party Down

Boston Mayor Michelle Wu, who may be Chinese, Japanese, Tongan, Asian or Korean, I can never tell all those people apart, is hosting a Christmas party this evening for a long-standing group called Electeds of Color. Really.

I guess that means people who got elected to some office and are not white; I looked up the word "electeds" and did not find it anywhere. It's not a word. Nevertheless, the group has been around for at least a decade, and remains staunchly unapologetic about its existence.

The unabashedly racist event was discovered/uncovered when an aide to the mayor, who is herself black so I guess she's going to the party, mistakenly sent out the invitation to everyone, not just the intended audience. The aide later apologized about sending the invitation to white people and hoped they were not offended.

Who knew racism is so acceptable in Boston?

Woke is Dumb

Rhymes with witch.

I hate to be considered a Luddite, but I'm thinking maybe it's time to go back to the old way of doing things. For example, hiring for positions of power based on merit rather than skin color and gender. 

We have a female Vice President who giggles over her love for yellow school buses and can barely string two sentences together, giving rise to the term "word salad." Next is a Supreme Court Justice who could not define the word woman because, after all, "I am not a biologist," although she is a woman. Lastly, the female president of Harvard University blatantly condones language celebrating the death of all Jews, and she's a plagiarist to boot.

What these women have in common besides their questionable judgment and dubious intelligence is their black, or blackish, skin color. I liked it better when we hired people in the way Dr. Martin Luther King suggested many years ago: "Not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character," something abysmally deficient in all of those ladies. 

No biologist!

Can we please get back to being smart instead of being woke?

If You're A Robot, Don't Call Me

I woke up feeling suicidal and not in the mood for my dental cleaning scheduled for 1 pm today. The dentist's office being a 30-minute drive away, I'd have to stay focused long enough to get there and then keep my mouth open for 45 minutes. No way I was up for that unless I was shoving a Nathan's All-Beef Kosher hot dog into it, on a bun with mustard and sauerkraut.

Wondering how long I'd have to wait for another appointment if I skipped today, I called the office. Naturally a recording answered, even though this particular office charges so much for their services they could afford a uniformed staff of ten with nothing to do but answer phone calls. But no, it was a robot asking me to leave a message, which I did.

After half an hour with no call back, I tried again and this time got a human being, or a better-sounding robot claiming to be Nicole. She said I was not on the schedule for a cleaning, or anything, today. "That's crazy," I said, "since I have gotten two reminder emails, one text and two phone calls over the last three weeks asking me to confirm. Which I did each time, and by the way that's pretty annoying."

Nicole didn't know much -- her words not mine -- but she was certain I had no appointment for today. The next opening would be December 27th. I said I'll be there unless my teeth fall out first.

I will tell you this: they can call, e-mail and text all they want, I will not confirm that appointment unless a living, breathing person asks me to. I am done with robots. They think they're so smart but they're not.

Anyway, my suicidal mood only got worse after that.

Inclusive Art

A small art gallery here in town is offering the entire space for week-long rentals next year. The application form includes the stipulation that the show must "focus on community inclusion." I'm not sure what that means but I am going to start inserting a black or brown person somewhere in every one of my paintings, just to be sure. Maybe a Native American and someone in a wheelchair too.

Film Review: LEAVE THE WORLD BEHIND

Julia Roberts sinks to a new low in Leave the World Behind, just starting a run on Netflix. Not only is her performance amateurish, but she looks like a haggard crone in this depressing tale of a war waged by some unknown entity that destroys the country's power grid in a far-reaching cyber attack.

Julia Roberts having a bad time.

Amanda (Roberts) and Clay (Ethan Hawke), a harried married couple living in Brooklyn with their two kids, rent an extravagant Long Island beach house for a long weekend. On day one their getaway is interrupted by the late-night arrival of a black man named George (Mahershala Ali) and his young daughter, who claim to be fleeing an unsettling event in the outside world and have returned to the safety of their own home. 

Amanda's loathsome racism surfaces as she doubts George could be the homeowner, despite his impeccable attire and sophisticated demeanor. Clay, more trusting and forgiving, says sure, come in, we'll talk about it in the morning. So George and his daughter go sleep in their own basement for the night.

But the morning brings a whole lot more to talk about. Like airplanes falling from the sky, oil tankers going aground on the beach, herds of deer surrounding the house and the loss of power cutting off all news of world events. No internet, no radio or TV, no nothing to explain the loud booms coming from the sky and the flock of flamingos in the swimming pool. What's happening? They all try to figure it out, to no avail. 

A cameo by Kevin Bacon as a prepper neighbor brandishing a shotgun is almost comical, since his perfect Hollywood-white teeth are blatantly at odds with his rustic, lumberjack character. (Oops, whoever responsible for that was probably fired.)

The ending, like the whole movie, is unclear. It's either the Russians or the Iranians or the Chinese out to get us. Whoever, someone dropped leaflets from airplanes that say "Death to America." Best advice: Don't watch right before bedtime.

Film Review: MAY DECEMBER

Moore and Melton as the happy couple.

Now streaming on Netflix, MAY DECEMBER sounds better than it is. It is loosely based on the scandalous 1996 incident when a married teacher had an affair with her 7th grade student, got pregnant by him and went to jail for more than seven years, then came out with a baby and married the boy. And they stayed married until, well, forever. Despite a few laughs, I found it creepy from beginning to end, which was clearly the intent of director Todd Haynes who has dallied with oddness in all of his past films.

Starring Natalie Portman and Julianne Moore, two fine actresses, the plot is strange, disturbing and ultimately pointless, offering little useful information besides how to raise butterflies -- more on that later. Ominous music accompanies a variety of sub-plots, as if that scandalous affair wasn't strange enough. So we get to see a few odd fetishes and a whole lot of Natalie Portman staring into the camera for an uncomfortably long time, more than once. (She's pretty, we get it, but enough already.)

The hunky kid grew up into a hunky actor I never heard of but is apparently adored by a younger audience, Charles Melton. His character is the only decent one in the movie, and except for his sleeping with a woman 24 years his senior when he was 12, is very likable. Apart from all that, his hobby of raising Monarch butterflies from eggs to adults is lovely to see, and also interesting.

The Biggest Scam of All

The lie that going to college after high school is necessary in order to succeed in life has been disproven over and over. As most people know already, our richest business leaders all dropped out of school after a year or didn't attend at all, giving further evidence of their native intelligence.

As an art major at New York University in the 1960s, I had to read all of Shakespeare -- every last word he wrote, including the Sonnets. I also was required to study physics and calculus. Somehow I passed those classes, but don't ask me today what the word calculus even means. With a major in Fine Arts, after graduation I became a newspaper art director, graphic designer and eventually a feature news writer and painter. 

I could have done all of it without attending college, as never did any job interviewer ask for proof of anything beyond the contents of my art portfolio. Still, it took me from 1969 to 1986 to pay off my considerable college loans.

Colleges and universities are big business, employing thousands of people and raking in many millions from wealthy donors seeking to have their name emblazoned on a dorm wing or a gym or an arena or a  bench or whatever, god knows why. My own husband, sap that he is, still sends money annually to his alma mater since graduating 45 years ago despite knowing that it is the largest recipient of cash from foreign investors. Why does Russia give money to Carnegie Mellon University? Who knows.

I can still remember the glee in my son's best friend's voice when he got into a class at the University of Vermont, the school they attended together: "Introduction to Motown." And that was just the introduction! I imagine if you went forward you could major in Aretha Franklin or maybe Quincy Jones. Today's college students are even worse, and by that I mean dumber. They take classes in "The Music of Taylor Swift." Then they go out and join protests chanting anti-Israeli hate, clueless about what they are saying. Many of them have never heard of the Holocaust.

Save your money and let your kids go out in the real world instead of sending them to a four-year minimum-security prison where they will be indoctrinated and brainwashed by the powers that be.

Beam Me Up, Scotty

Only people of a certain age will understand the title of this post. That's fine, since those are the people I want in my life, in my world, and on the planet. I am so ready to leave planet Earth, to one where there is no Taylor Swift, no tattoos and snot-ring nose piercings, and especially no ignorant children who gather together and blithely chant, "To the river from the sea, Palestine shall be free," yet have not the slightest idea what river, what sea, or even where Palestine is.

Kids today are dopes, plain and simple. Maybe it's because they smoke too much dope, or their parents did, but whatever the cause, I'm sick of hearing about them and looking at them and listening to their dumb, so-called music.

I am sick of racism and gender identities and pronouns. On my planet, there will be men and women and that's it. Gays are fine, but no trannies allowed! So, no women with beards and men with mastectomy scars. Best of all, no Michelle Obama, and what a relief that would be!

Free Speech at Harvard

Now showing at Harvard University

Earlier today I watched part of a televised congressional hearing, during which Harvard University's president was questioned about the school's response to and policy concerning anti-Israeli protests held on campus when students chanted, "From the river to the sea, Palestine shall be free" and "Globalize the intifada," both of which mean "Kill all Jews."

The answer from Claudine Gay, Harvard's first black president in its 368-year history, was that the school prides itself on being a bastion of free speech, so anything goes as long as it does not turn into action. She repeatedly and doggedly refused to condemn the antisemitic protests that had many Jewish students terrified and hiding in their dorms, insisting proudly that Harvard believes in free speech.

So at Harvard you can say "Die, nigger, die," but you can't punch one, or hit one or run one over with your car -- nothing like that. You can also call someone a "retard," but don't hurt them or smack them in the head, or actually any part of the body. Ditto for saying midget, dwarf, wop, guinea, kike, hebe, sheeny, spic, faggot, cripple, coon, muff diver, cracker, jungle bunny, pickaninny, tar-baby, Aunt Jemima and the like. Those words are all okay to say at Harvard University. Who knew? 

Thank God there's one place left where people can speak openly and honestly!

Watch Out for Those Garbage Compactors

As if we all don't have enough to worry about, what with wars, climate change, Covid and RSV, rampant crime, a demented President, a mentally challenged Vice President and a wholly moronic populous, now inanimate machinery is out to get us! Perhaps the result of recent advances in AI, or it could be the work of aliens from another planet (proof of which our  government has in its possession). Whatever the cause, the following news item from USA TODAY appeared on my computer's home page this morning:

"A 24-year-old woman, who went missing after leaving work on Friday, was found dead in the garbage compactor in the basement of a luxury condominium building, the New York Police Department said. The police said that no foul play is suspected as per initial investigation.

The woman, a resident of Brooklyn, was found a little after 2:30 p.m. on Friday, when the police responded to a 911 call at a condominium building in Manhattan. Upon arrival, NYPD officers discovered a 24-year-old female unconscious and unresponsive in the garbage compactor in the basement of the building. Authorities said that medics pronounced her deceased at the scene. Police did not specify how the woman ended up at the building, as she was not a resident there."

Evil Knows No Boundaries

"In recent weeks, detailed reports of widespread rape and violence against women on Oct. 7 have begun to emerge. A report published in the U.K.’s Sunday Times relayed one man’s firsthand account of witnessing gang rape at the Nova music festival. An Israeli woman who was being raped by 8-10 men, the witness said, “was screaming, ‘Stop it already! I’m going to die anyway from what you are doing, just kill me!’” When the terrorists had finished raping her, the witness said, “they were laughing, and the last one shot her in the head.”

So go ahead -- cry for the Palestinians. Someday they will come to your house. Telling them you hate Jews too won't save you. But before they get here, while there is still time, watch the 2002 biographical war drama, The Pianist. Just so you're ready.

Finally, A Reason to Read the New York Times

Brenda Lee today, at home in Nashville.

Every Sunday morning my husband goes out to buy the New York Times, a newspaper so biased and smug it almost makes me throw up my breakfast, in order to do the crossword puzzle in the Magazine. I try to cover my eyes to avoid seeing the poison dripping from its opinion pages, like the start of this opening sentence from that bilious Michelle Goldberg (see photo below), one of their writers: "Should the blessed day arrive when Donald Trump is sent to prison....."

Michelle Goldberg

How nice. That's what you want from your newspaper. Anyway, in today's edition of lies and claptrap there is finally an article worth reading. It's about Brenda Lee, the wondrous force of nature who brought us that song you'll be hearing all month long, "Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree."

Elvis Presley loved her! John Lennon said in a Rolling Stone interview that she has "the greatest rock 'n' roll voice of them all." It was true when she ruled the airwaves back in 1958, and it's still true today.

Brenda started singing when she was three, and by the age of ten she was the sole support of the family, her father having died when she was eight. Today, retired at 78, she's still got that magic voice. Recently she went viral after surprising passengers on a flight by belting out a song over the plane's intercom.

Why Americans Are Fat

A few nights ago I attended a meeting of the Freeport Republicans held at the local Masonic Lodge. As is always the case, there for the taking were coffee, bottles of water and an array of treats, like brownies, cookies with colorful sprinkles on top and little gingerbread people, gender unspecified. I ate them because A, they were there, and B, so was I, and C, it was all so boring. I think this is why America ranks as the world's fattest nation: too many meetings.

Meetings in themselves may be fine, but often they are repositories of platters filled with donuts, cookies, cakes and the like, as if there is an unspoken understanding that nobody would be able to stay awake and focus on the agenda without a whole lot of sugar coursing through their bodies. And this being the Christmas season, there are many more of these platters showing up in unexpected places, since in small towns across America the ladies like to bake, and what fun to share.

My advice for those hoping to lose weight or at least not balloon up to Lizzo-proportions is to steer clear of small towns at least until January, and then again in February around the 14th.

Finding Purpose

We can all agree that God gave each of us many good things, starting with a body including a head, arms, legs and lots of complex internal organs to make the whole thing work. He just forgot one major thing: A Purpose. Personally I think God blew it with this one omission, and it's possibly the reason why so many people have rejected Him.

Sometimes it's good to hold your breath.

Because they lack Purpose, people do a wide variety of strange things with the limited hours of their allotted lifetimes. I recently learned of perhaps the strangest thing watching a documentary called The Deepest Breath, about the "extreme sport" of freediving, wherein people aim to achieve the longest time underwater while holding their breath. It is also called "competitive apnea." Some competitors start training for this in childhood! They dive down very deep into the ocean, or else lie face down in a pool, and swim without getting any more air than they took with them. Apparently this makes them very relaxed, free of anxiety and happy. I found that odd, since it made me really nervous just watching it. 

I can't say I've come up with anything better. I buy tubes of paint, then with a little brush I arrange different colors on a piece of canvas in a way that pleases me and call it a painting. On other days I might glue torn pieces of paper onto a table, or hundreds of colorful beads onto a drab object, all in the name of "art." Not a whole lot more sensible, I guess, but still I do it. A lot. 

So far today I've gone to the eye doctor and learned that my eyes are fine, then ran a few errands, had lunch with a friend, and came home and made a big pot of vegetable soup. There might be more I should be doing and certainly could be doing, but holding my breath underwater for as long as possible surely isn't one of them. 

Film Review: SOMEWHERE IN QUEENS

Leo and Angela are not happy......

Fans of Ray Romano's popular sitcom Everybody Loves Raymond may be surprised to see him so unloved by most of his family in this sometimes depressing but still endearing movie. Written and directed by Romano, this bittersweet tale of young love and family angst within a boisterous Italian family is The Sopranos but without all the murders. Instead there are seemingly endless over-the-top celebrations for anniversaries, birthdays, christenings and Sweet 16 parties, all held at the same tacky Queens, New York party venue.

Central to all this is Leo Russo (Romano), a nebbishy loser who works for his stern father's contracting business alongside his slick, obnoxious brother Frank (Sebastian Maniscalco). Romano shows his depth as a serious actor, as does Laurie Metcalf as his wife Angela, a tough-as-nails Italian momma with a soft center she rarely exposes. But it seeps out in one outstanding scene where she breaks down and admits to Leo her fear that the cancer she has successfully overcome might return. (Have tissues handy.)

Everyday life is dreary and uneventful for Leo and Angela, except for parenting their slightly autistic teenage son Matthew (Jacob Ward) whose shaky self-confidence soars on the basketball court. With the possibility of a full sports scholarship to a decent college in the offing, Leo goes to a dangerous extreme to ensure that Matthew qualifies. When his ruse is uncovered all hell breaks loose, right in the middle of somebody's anniversary party. Cake is thrown, there's lots of yelling and some hitting, but the deejay plays on. 

It's all a bit of a stretch but the message is real: parents will do anything for their kids to be happy.

 

 

Film Review: OPPENHEIMER

By now we all know that when an avalanche of advertising precedes the release of a new movie, it's likely a real bomb. While Oppenheimer is not that, it's about a bomb and leaves much to be desired. So very, very much. Like a film editor with a backbone, for starters. It's three hours long and it might have been fairly decent at two with all the detritus removed. For example:

There are lots of scenes featuring blackboards covered with mathematical formulas, surrounded by young men in suits spouting technical jargon. I snoozed a bit through those.

The film switches from color to black and white for no apparent reason, many times. It also moves from one era to another era with little warning, and the color vs. black and white is not a clue. Only the director (Christopher Nolan) knows why.

To break up the tedium, a brief and dreary "sex" scene was inserted that makes the act of fornication look like a Hamas punishment wherein two naked people are strapped together and forced to move oddly, one on top of the other, while having a depressing conversation. Later on, more nudity shows up for no apparent reason other than to keep members of the audience from falling asleep.

Oppenheimer in close up, again and again and again .....

The director wastes a lot of frames on psychedelic bursts of colors and shapes, ostensibly to describe physics and explosions -- atom bomb, get it? -- and what you see in your head when you drop acid or have an ocular migraine. I'm guessing here, but perhaps it was because the movie first was released on IMAX. I watched it in my living room on a regular TV and was not blown away, unless you count leaving to go to the bathroom.

Mr. Oppenheimer is played by a skinny little guy with no charisma, I forget his name, whose face is almost always right there, for a long time. (We get it, the film is called Oppenheimer, enough already!) 

Other known actors who showed up for itty bitty parts are Casey Affleck, Rami Malek and Kenneth Branaugh. The actor who played Albert Einstein looked more like Captain Kangaroo than Albert Einstein. A lot more.

The beautiful Emily Blunt deserves an Oscar for looking hideous and accepting a role that had almost no character development.

The U.S. dropped an atom bomb on Hiroshima and boo-hoo, some of the people who made the bomb felt bad about it. Like who knew it would kill so many people and burn their faces off?

Robert Downey Jr. is the best part of the movie and will still be handsome when he's old. Matt Damon is already not handsome anymore and gives the worst performance of his career and this film.

Happy Thanksgiving?

I wish I could say I am having sushi for dinner at my favorite restaurant this evening after a relaxing day. But instead I got up early, baked a pumpkin pie, then started on the mashed yams and soon will make the stuffing for a 13-pound turkey, to be followed by the whole rest of the dinner and then setting the table and finally cleaning up after dessert. 

A day spent cooking and eating and I'm already about ten pounds over my fit-into-those-jeans weight. This is so my husband and son and the other guests will have a nice day and think well of me after my death, although they probably won't considering we all tend to fight on the holidays. 

And people are starving and war is everywhere, and anyway the Pilgrims were colonizers and killed a lot of Native Americans and now millions of turkeys have been slaughtered, and for what?

This is how my mind works. Maybe in a next life it will be more like that of Rose on The Golden Girls. That would be swell.

What's Not to Like About A Jew?

When it comes to antisemitism I am at a complete loss. Yes, I am Jewish, but there are some self-hating Jews out there that probably agree with the Muslims, or Hamas or the Palestinians or whoever finds  a Jew distasteful, like my ex-friend who lives down the street.

Nan and I were friends once. We walked our dogs together every day, and we went to the movies or the farmer's market together. We laughed and shared books and generally enjoyed one another's company. She got sick with cancer and I grieved, then celebrated her return to health. All was good, until the day I loaned her my copy of Maus, the award-winning graphic novel by Art Spiegelman that tells the story of his father's time at Auschwitz during the war. 

Two days later Nan came to my door with the book, actually books since it's a set of two volumes. She had a pained expression on her face and said, and I am quoting verbatim here, "This is not for me. We don't do this." Handing me the books, she turned and walked away. And that's virtually the last time we spoke to one another, besides the occasional, "Please get your dog out of my flower bed." (Me to her.)

I've never been quite clear on who was "we" and what it is they "don't do." Perhaps a clue is the wooden sign posted on a tree at the entrance to her driveway that says, "NO TURNAROUNDS." Like god forbid you might erode the driveway's topcoat with your wheels while doing so. (And people say Jews are cheap?)

Gentiles, except for my friends of course, can be mean, cold-hearted and ungenerous. Jews are empathetic, warm, spirited and very generous, especially with food. As George Constanza's mother Estelle famously said when she and Frank were invited to meet George's future gentile in-laws, "We're sitting there drinking coffee, without a piece of cake!" Jews got the joke.

So if you are antisemitic, or on the fence, get to know a Jew, and take notes. You too can become a nice person with the proper training. And definitely read Maus.

Don't Quote Me

This is my blog and I write about what I want to write about, not what I think people want to read about in order to get more clicks or likes or readers or whateverthefuck people want these days from the internet. 

If I did write what people want to read it would be all Taylor Swift and her football player boyfriend and Kate Middleton's latest hairstyle and any and every black rapper and how much Trump sucks, so no thanks.

A recent "critic" chastised me for writing about the rise of anti-Semitism and then a day later about Matthew Perry's death, denigrating me as a "source." Hey, I'm no source, please don't quote me.

Hell Is All Around Us

I know, I know -- people are being held hostage in tunnels and entire families have been wiped out and the ravages of war are way beyond horrible, and I'm not in it so I should be grateful and nothing should bother me. I know all that and I agree but still, there are the little things. And sometimes little things can be big enough to bum you out...

For example, today I went to the market to buy fish. A pound of haddock to be exact. There was the fish in the glass case, all nicely laid out on ice as usual. But today there was something new: pre-made packages of fish in plastic containers in a separate area of the refrigerated section, next to a sign that said "Grab 'n' Go!" I asked the fish guy what the difference was between buying the pre-packaged fish and having him slice and weigh the fish right in front of me.

Fish Guy: No difference! I made up those packages myself a few hours ago, it's just as fresh.

Me: So, no difference at all?

Fish Guy: None whatsoever, except for the convenience.

I opted for the plastic package and went on my way. When I got home I found out the difference: all my groceries were wet and smelled like fish. That plastic package did not have a tight seal, apparently. After washing everything I'd bought and mopping up the fish liquid that had leaked through the fabric shopping bag and onto the carpeted floor of the trunk of my car, I called the store to complain-slash-alert them to the problem. I was put on hold, where I remained until I got hung up on.

So yeah, war is Hell. But sometimes other things are too.

 

 

Muslim or Jew? You Decide.

Lately Muslims have become quite popular on college campuses across America, especially at Columbia University where anti-Semitism is a required course for entering freshmen. Young people adore the Palestinians, who are Islamists, a.k.a. Muslims. Following is a snapshot of the rules of that particular religion.

Muslims are prohibited from gambling, fortune-telling, lying, stealing, cheating, oppressing or abusing others, being greedy or stingy, disrespecting parents, and mistreating relatives, orphans or neighbors.

Sounds good, right? Like who wouldn't agree to all that? But then there's this: When an unmarried male commits adultery with an unmarried female, they both receive 100 lashes and banishment from society for one year.  And in the case of a married male committing adultery with a married female, they each shall receive 100 lashes and then be stoned to death. This seems unduly nasty, since if you are going kill the person why bother with the pre-lashing? 

And what if you steal something? How does the Muslim faith treat thieves? Theft is punished by the amputation of the offender's right hand. Armed or highway robbery may be punished by execution, crucifixion, or amputation of hands and feet from opposite sides of the body, depending on the severity of the offense.

Meanwhile, the Jews are much more forgiving. If you're a Jew who commits adultery, all that will happen is that people will gossip about you behind your back, and some people may contact you hoping to hear all the juicy details. As for theft, if it's less than $900 worth of goods, nothing happens at all!

So go ahead and choose. You decide, I just report.

Matthew Perry Was No Chandler Bing

I am a little over halfway through Friends, Lovers and the Big Terrible Thing, a memoir by Matthew Perry, a.k.a. Chandler Bing. I was motivated to read it after his recent death since I had become a fan of "Friends" reruns and got to like his character best of all. But this book has made me a whole lot less sad that he died. What a selfish twit he was! 

At age 24, armed with fabulous looks and good fortune, he won the role of Chandler and starred in a top-rated sitcom for ten years that paid him a million dollars an episode. Plus, his girlfriend was Julia Roberts when she was the "it" girl, but boo hoo, he couldn't enjoy it all because he had a hole in his heart that he could only fill with alcohol.

Stories of how he got to be selfish, and an asshole, and a drunken selfish asshole, and examples thereof, are the meat and potatoes of the book. Eventually you will get really, really full and decide you've had enough.

Married to a Jew Should Count for Something

Mr. and Mrs. Giggles

I wish Kamala Harris would quit giggling and mention the fact, or even just remember, that SHE IS MARRIED TO A JEW! Yet she is all hot and bothered by what she called "growing Islamaphobia." Someone should tell her that according to the FBI there has been a 400% increase in anti-Semitic acts in this country since October 7.

Second Gentleman Douglas Emhoff -- cat got your tongue? Where do you stand?

Lil' Kim Is Bigger Than God

A freak of nature who is a rapper, maybe, or hip-hopper or whatever they call it these days, Lil' Kim, 49, has an ego the size of Texas and even bigger breasts. She claims that her upcoming memoir is "currently getting orders that indicate it will outsell the Bible."

Sadly, there are people like this who are allowed to vote in our elections. (No wonder the U.S. is such a mess.) 

According to the publisher, Hachette Books, Lil' Kim's memoir is set for release on September 23, 2025. Be sure to mark your calendar.

Film Review: NYAD

Now streaming on Netflix, NYAD is an inspirational quasi-documentary about the endurance swimmer Diana Nyad, who wowed the world with her stamina at the age of 28 when she swam around Manhattan Island in eight hours. The film re-introduces us to her when she is about to turn 60 and is dealing with a post-midlife crisis. Are all her best days behind her? She says no.

Annette Bening plays Diana, and without a stitch of modesty. No makeup, wrinkly skin, messy hair and all, she gives a fantastic and 100% believable performance as a woman desperately holding on to her youth, a bit off her rocker and doggedly determined to make the best of her latter years. With her every step, or rather stroke, of the way is her best friend who takes on the role of her swim coach, Bonnie Stoll (Jodie Foster). The movie is basically the two of them, with plenty of help from a team of kayakers and navigators, and their interaction is lots of fun to watch. 

Besides the very compelling story of Diana attempting to swim from Cuba to Key West -- the one swim she failed at during her youthful heyday -- despite her advanced age, the underwater scenes of her several attempts are beautifully photographed and will make you so happy you spent the money for that big screen TV.

Flashbacks to Diana's childhood are interspersed with her grueling training sessions and painful swims, like the one where she gets attacked by poisonous jellyfish. It's all quite interesting and definitely not the same old rom-com or action hero claptrap. As for being inspirational, if there is any goal you may have given up on because of your age or physical condition, this movie will change your mind, fire you up and get you going.

The Sheer Folly of Being Human

Ted Bundy was not very nice, but cute.

If you put a gun to my head I still could not explain why Kim Kardashian is famous. I get that she's rich: her birth father was a successful lawyer and self-made businessman born into an affluent family and her stepfather was a former Olympic gold medalist followed by a career in television, film, writing, auto racing, business and as a Playgirl cover model (before going crazy and turning into a "woman"). But Kim has done little herself besides getting a very big butt and huge breasts from injections of chemicals.

Her sisters are all famous as well, even more so after their stepfather lost his mind, grew his hair and fingernails long and started wearing tight dresses and high heels and became the famous-for-no-reason Caitlyn Jenner. 

So what is fame anyway? Is it simply kudos from strangers for being outrageous and different? Standing out from the crowd? Does society need famous people in order to thrive? Is it to give the masses something to think about because they lack the intelligence to read works by great writers and philosophers and make something of their own lives? 

Here are some famous people who lack innate talent, yet they pop up in the news (unless they are dead) and on TV talk shows.

Monica Lewinsky: Had sex with a sitting United States President, then started making handbags.

Ted Bundy: Murdered at least 30 women in four years (1974-78). Was handsome.

Jeffrey Dahmer: Killed and dismembered 17 males, eating some of their body parts.

Paris Hilton: Born into a rich family that owns a lot of hotels; has done nothing of note personally.

Chastity Chaz Bono: Had very famous and talented parents and changed her gender.

Cool It, Nikki!

I don't shock easily; most New Yorkers don't. Probably the last time was when the Twin Towers were felled by a group of Muslim scumbags, and that was 22 years ago. 

The preceding sentence uses the word "scumbag" appropriately, meaning "low, vile or worthless person or group of people." You call someone "scum" when their behavior is utterly reprehensible, like President Bill Clinton having sex with an intern in the Oval Office, or pundit/lawyer Jeffrey Toobin masturbating during a live Zoom call with his colleagues at The New Yorker. 

During last night's Republican Debate, demure ex-Governor, ex-U.N. Ambassador and current candidate for the presidency Nikki Haley hurled the word at fellow debater Vivek Ramaswamy when he mentioned her daughter. I was truly shocked.

It's not as if he called her daughter a slut or accused her of selling drugs to toddlers. He simply said that she uses TikTok, which was at the moment under discussion for being a dangerous Chinese surveillance tool. And for that Nikki spat out, "Leave my daughter out of your voice. You're just scum!" That's what I call a short fuse, maybe a bit too short for a president.

Film Review: DOWNSIZING

Matt Damon, still big, and his pal Jason Sudekis,
post-downsizing, discuss the pros and cons of getting small.

If you are a fan of bad cinema, this one should be on your list, maybe even at the top. Downsizing was released in 2017 and nobody saw it, or those who did likely forgot it, or tried, the minute they left the theater. Back before Covid people went to places called "movie theaters." They had to either walk out or sit through a dog film to the end. Luckily I watched it on my big-screen television at home, so I could fast forward when necessary. And trust me, it was necessary quite often.

Starring Matt Damon, who looks sick about it during the whole thing -- you could tell he was thinking, "Find new agent immediately" -- and Kristen Wiig for about the first 20 minutes then she's gone, it starts out with some promise along the lines of Honey, I Shrunk the Kids but without the humor. They play married couple Paul and Audrey Safranek who decide to undergo a new medical procedure that miniaturizes people, invented to save the planet from the coming ravages of overpopulation. 

At five inches tall, people exhaust fewer natural resources and create much less waste, etc. But the real perk, as explained  by their already-small friend (Jason Sudekis), is that their money goes a lot further. Like a lot further. In the upscale small community where they will live, they can afford a huge mansion instead of the tiny dump they now inhabit in Normal-land.

The first part is fun, as is watching the details of the procedure one undergoes to get small. After that, all is lost. It's a big mish-mash, brightened briefly by the charm and considerable acting skills of Christophe Waltz, and God only knows who and how they talked him into doing this film.

Spoiler alert: Audrey chickens out at the last minute and stays big, leaving Paul a lonely, unhappy teeny-tiny divorced man. We follow him to Small World (called something else) where he is awkward and seemingly suicidal (and who could blame him), until he meets a one-legged Vietnamese cleaning lady who introduces him to the incredibly slummy side of life beyond the walls of his fabulous gated community, where the service people live. 

Fast forward, fast forward, fast forward, went to the bathroom, got a snack, thank you God for letting me fast forward, finally came back to find that Paul, who was an occupational therapist in Normal-land, has become a doctor and now dedicates himself to caring for the sick and dying tiny slum people. Oh yes, and he has fallen in love with the Vietnamese lady and makes her a new prosthetic leg.

I'm leaving out all the stuff about the members of the cult in Sweden who go to live underground for 8,000 years until the Earth stabilizes after the horrible things that will happen. (I was in the kitchen.)

See what I mean?

Feeding Campus Anti-Semitism

A Jewish student at Carnegie Mellon University discovered swastikas and anti-Semitic comments written inside a campus library book.

Many American colleges and universities have accepted billions of dollars in donations from undisclosed foreign countries, among them China, Qatar and Russia. Coincidentally, anti-Semitic threats and actions on those particular campuses taking the most money have risen 400% from a year ago.The number one school taking foreign donations is Carnegie-Mellon University, my husband's alma mater and the recipient of thousands of dollars from our bank account over the 37 years of our marriage. 

Because my husband received so much scholarship money to attend that school, he has long insisted that we continue our charitable support because "he owes them," despite my insistence that spoiled rich kids at elite schools are much less needy than actual needy people who lack food, shelter, clothing and access to medical treatments.

Now it has been learned that Mitch's hard-earned cash has gone towards fueling anti-Semitism at his beloved CMU. Excuse me while I pull my hair out. (I'd pull out his but he doesn't have any.)

The Bright Side of World War III

Long ago I realized that my husband and I are polar opposites in just about every area of life. Describing him as a "glass is half-full" person while I'm more of a "glass is half-empty" type doesn't come remotely close. More accurate would be that his glass is overflowing and dripping down the table leg and onto the floor while I'm wondering how come I didn't get any at all. 

However, recent world events have further highlighted the stark differences in our temperament to an alarming degree. Like many Jews, naturally we are greatly concerned with the war raging in Israel that threatens to overtake the entire globe, as well as the growing antisemitism gripping college campuses and major cities here at home. But our views of the future have nothing in common. 

While I often worry aloud about a possible nuclear World War III, or that "any day now we'll be forced to wear yellow armbands, and the next thing you know it's a gas shower for us," Mitch says to look at the bright side. "Nobody who ever lived before us until this very minute got to witness the End of the World, so it would be pretty wild if we were here for it. And really, if you think about it, gas showers are a time-honored tradition for the Jews."

I am not making this up.

Rashida Tlaib Has A Big Mouth (and she's ugly too)

The world is falling apart, young men and women are dying in several horrific wars, hostages are sick and starving, protesters are calling for the death of all Jews, and yet some random woman I don't know and will never know is picking a fight with me on Facebook after I wrote that Governor Glenn Youngkin is right to ban abortions after 15 weeks. Am I not entitled to my opinion?

The need to be right has overtaken every last brain cell of every last person who engages in arguments with strangers online. If you dare to say something someone disagrees with, they never respond, "Gee, I feel differently about that." No, they have to prove that you are wrong and they are right, even if it's all just opinions and thus there can be no proof. And so they go on and on and on, digging in even harder like a pit bull on an ankle bone. 

If you don't believe that a blatant racist like Michigan's Muslim Congresswoman Rashida Tlaib should be kicked out of office for chanting that Israel must be wiped off the map, I detest you. But I won't fight you about it since you are simply parroting what you hear other Democrats saying, and you want to be woke just like them. 

I had a couple of friends like that once, but I dumped them for being too stupid. One of them believes that plastic drinking straws will bring about the end of the planet, and the other one gave $3,000 over the phone to a stranger who called her and claimed she had outstanding parking tickets. This is the intelligence level of the people currently chanting, "From the river to the sea, Palestine will be free." 

There's simply no arguing with idiots.