Why Americans Are Fat

A few nights ago I attended a meeting of the Freeport Republicans held at the local Masonic Lodge. As is always the case, there for the taking were coffee, bottles of water and an array of treats, like brownies, cookies with colorful sprinkles on top and little gingerbread people, gender unspecified. I ate them because A, they were there, and B, so was I, and C, it was all so boring. I think this is why America ranks as the world's fattest nation: too many meetings.

Meetings in themselves may be fine, but often they are repositories of platters filled with donuts, cookies, cakes and the like, as if there is an unspoken understanding that nobody would be able to stay awake and focus on the agenda without a whole lot of sugar coursing through their bodies. And this being the Christmas season, there are many more of these platters showing up in unexpected places, since in small towns across America the ladies like to bake, and what fun to share.

My advice for those hoping to lose weight or at least not balloon up to Lizzo-proportions is to steer clear of small towns at least until January, and then again in February around the 14th.