What's Not to Like About A Jew?

When it comes to antisemitism I am at a complete loss. Yes, I am Jewish, but there are some self-hating Jews out there that probably agree with the Muslims, or Hamas or the Palestinians or whoever finds  a Jew distasteful, like my ex-friend who lives down the street.

Nan and I were friends once. We walked our dogs together every day, and we went to the movies or the farmer's market together. We laughed and shared books and generally enjoyed one another's company. She got sick with cancer and I grieved, then celebrated her return to health. All was good, until the day I loaned her my copy of Maus, the award-winning graphic novel by Art Spiegelman that tells the story of his father's time at Auschwitz during the war. 

Two days later Nan came to my door with the book, actually books since it's a set of two volumes. She had a pained expression on her face and said, and I am quoting verbatim here, "This is not for me. We don't do this." Handing me the books, she turned and walked away. And that's virtually the last time we spoke to one another, besides the occasional, "Please get your dog out of my flower bed." (Me to her.)

I've never been quite clear on who was "we" and what it is they "don't do." Perhaps a clue is the wooden sign posted on a tree at the entrance to her driveway that says, "NO TURNAROUNDS." Like god forbid you might erode the driveway's topcoat with your wheels while doing so. (And people say Jews are cheap?)

Gentiles, except for my friends of course, can be mean, cold-hearted and ungenerous. Jews are empathetic, warm, spirited and very generous, especially with food. As George Constanza's mother Estelle famously said when she and Frank were invited to meet George's future gentile in-laws, "We're sitting there drinking coffee, without a piece of cake!" Jews got the joke.

So if you are antisemitic, or on the fence, get to know a Jew, and take notes. You too can become a nice person with the proper training. And definitely read Maus.