IMHO, the death penalty is greatly underused in our society. One particularly heinous class of lawbreaker goes unpunished hundreds of times daily, in every city in every country of the world. Anywhere there are roads, these human vermin sitting behind the wheel of an almost 2-ton (the average mid-size sedan weighs 3,351 pounds) killing machine are getting away with murder. Okay, so it's not murder in the sense of a dead body left behind; more like a dead soul.
The crime of which I speak is rampant in today's speedy, needy world of "me first." (In fact, MeFirst makes the #MeToo movement look like child's play.) Can you guess what it is that causes more people, including little old ladies, to roll down their windows and flip the bird at a passing vehicle, willingly courting road rage that could end in their own death? It's tailgating, and I don't mean the football kind where you park in a giant parking lot and get drunk on beer and gorge on unhealthy foods involving Cheez Whiz, getting fatter and sicker every second.
No, I mean the other kind, where the guy behind you drives right up your butt, even when you are in the slow right lane going the posted speed limit. It's just that you're not going his speed limit, and so he torments you by coming up real close, maybe even tapping your bumper, and making you pray he will die of cancer, the most painful kind that has no cure or even any treatment. Or else you hope you come upon him trapped inside a fiery crash a mile up the road, where even the Jaws of Life can't save him.
I say kill them all. It's easy: after a cop nabs one, just drag him down to the station, make sure you've got witnesses, notify the next of kin, throw him a taco or whatever he chooses from fast food, then take him out back and put him down like the rabid dog he is. The Nazis did it for absolutely no reason, to perfectly lovely people -- actors and musicians and artists and of course Jews, back in WW2, so it's not without precedent.
My husband says this plan is another reason I should not be President. But hey, wouldn't driving be a lot nicer without them?
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| Some people choose to go even slower, requiring nerves of steel. |
No, I mean the other kind, where the guy behind you drives right up your butt, even when you are in the slow right lane going the posted speed limit. It's just that you're not going his speed limit, and so he torments you by coming up real close, maybe even tapping your bumper, and making you pray he will die of cancer, the most painful kind that has no cure or even any treatment. Or else you hope you come upon him trapped inside a fiery crash a mile up the road, where even the Jaws of Life can't save him.
I say kill them all. It's easy: after a cop nabs one, just drag him down to the station, make sure you've got witnesses, notify the next of kin, throw him a taco or whatever he chooses from fast food, then take him out back and put him down like the rabid dog he is. The Nazis did it for absolutely no reason, to perfectly lovely people -- actors and musicians and artists and of course Jews, back in WW2, so it's not without precedent.
My husband says this plan is another reason I should not be President. But hey, wouldn't driving be a lot nicer without them?
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