Keep Your Hands Off My Feet!

Boomer Role Model

There are plenty of things I don't like about getting old, most of which are obvious to the naked eye and thus require no explanation. Still, old does not mean dead and so as long as I live and breathe I will continue to be myself, with all my familiar habits and quirks and, most certainly, wardrobe. I may go gray, but at least I can still wear socks with colorful stripes, or maybe socks imprinted with dogs, cats, butterflies and birdies, right?

Wrong, apparently. According to an article I came across entitled, "20 Things Older Women Should Never Wear," so-called "silly socks" are verboten for my age group. Instead we are instructed to "stick to black." I'm guessing this is in case we drop dead on the street, making our feet one less thing -- actually, two -- for the undertaker to deal with.

It's not like that's the only article telling my generation to just go ahead and die already. A quick Google search revealed the following articles online:

10 Things Middle-Aged Women Should Never Wear

What Not to Wear After Fifty: The Final Say

 6 Things A Woman Over 40 Should Not Wear

What Not to Wear If You're Over Fifty

Clothes for Older Women

What Not to Wear If You're Over A Certain Age

50 Things No Woman Over 40 Should Own 

10 Items You're Too Old to Wear

I could go on but I have stuff to do today. The point is, SEZ WHO? The fashion mavens of the younger generation? You know, those purple-haired lovelies with the gag-inducing holes in their earlobes, pierced snot rings hanging from their nostrils and tattoos on their flabby arms, calves, and necks? Those are the ladies telling me that I'm too old to wear striped socks? And believe me, it's not just my feet that are being chastised, it's all of me from head to toe, like this bit of advice from How Not to Look Old by Charla Krupp: "Whether it’s flowery scrunchies, banana clips or your daughter’s plastic kiddie barrettes, whimsical hair accessories are not fitting for a fully grown woman."

Too bad Meg Ryan didn't read that book before her career-ending facelift. She could have saved thousands of dollars and maybe even made a few more movies.