Twinkies Need Your Help!

Actor portrayal, not really God.

Forget Trump, Mueller and all those Russians -- we've got bigger problems! Hostess Brands, Inc., the maker of our beloved Twinkies and Ding Dongs, is in trouble, with profits plummeting and less shelf space devoted to their products at all Walmarts.

Like you, I also wonder how this can be happening when everywhere you look you see people shoving bad things down their gullets. Boredom, that's how. People crave new and interesting garbage to eat, and apparently a plain old Twinkie is so ten years ago. Just yesterday at the Maine Mall I saw a brand new store called Dough Life that sells "edible cookie dough" in a variety of flavors. (There was a long line of waiting customers.)

Into the fray comes the Deep-fried Frozen Twinkie (DFFT). It's a Twinkie that's been chilled, coated with a tempura batter and then deep-fried in oil for two minutes. "The cooking process melts the vanilla-cream center, which infuses the yellow cake and gives it a souffle or pudding-like texture," according to one foodie website. As a finishing touch and to add a few more luscious calories, the so-called "treats" are sprinkled with powdered sugar.

A real Deep-fried Twinkie.

Nutritionally, if such a word is appropriate in this situation, one of these DFFTs contains 150 calories for the Twinkie au naturel, with another 275 calories contained in the batter and oil, bringing the grand total to 425 empty calories. What's not to love? Nevertheless, shares of Hostess sank 18%, to $11.49 on Nasdaq yesterday. After that, Walmart promised more shelf space, sparking Hostess CEO Andy Callahan to say that he's pleased with the increased "merchandising support during the important back-to-school period." So do your part for our nation's economy and load up those lunch boxes with yummy, non-nutritional Hostess treats this fall!