Smash-and-Grab In My Own Backyard

I am proud to say that I am not woke. In fact, half the time I'm not even awake. But I was awake enough this morning to notice that our bird feeder that hangs outside within full view of our living room windows and which I filled early yesterday was completely empty today, something that usually takes more than a week to happen. Besides the theft of the seeds the feeder was bent out of shape, clearly a sign of foul play, or rather squirrel play as we do not keep chickens. (Fowl, get it?)

This pissed me off to high heaven, especially since the feeder in question is called the "Squirrel Buster." The accompanying literature claims it is "truly squirrel-proof" and "pays for itself in saved seed." Well, not at my house this morning. There's spilled seed all over the snow, but not as much as you'd think since most of it went into the big fat tummy of the big fat squirrel that's been lurking around our house ever since we hung the feeder.

So, back to my not being woke: I hate squirrels. I have no respect for them and believe they should be punished for their smash-and-grab tactics, perhaps rounded up and incinerated, or at least incarcerated and kept away from decent society. I certainly don't think they should get off scot-free. Hopefully they have not yet become a protected class and I won't be carted off to jail for cursing them out in the privacy of my own home, which apparently you can't do anymore in 1984, I mean 2022.