Suing John Travolta, Maybe

I missed one of Hollywood's greatest movies!

Bob Dylan, now 80, is currently being sued by a 68-year-old woman who claims he sexually abused her in 1965 when she was 12. Her suit was filed one day before the New York State law allowing her to do so would expire. The woman is seeking financial compensation for a disappointing life during which she has experienced depression, humiliation, anxiety and financial losses. 

Who hasn't? Certainly not me, so I'm wondering who I can sue. 

Surely there was some man in my past who took advantage of me sexually, I'm just not remembering. Oh yeah, when I was 16 I got drunk at a party, and unlike Christine Balsey Ford I know exactly where it was and how I got drunk: the screwdriver someone handed me was spiked. I spent the entire evening passed out on a pile of coats in an upstairs bedroom. Who's to say someone didn't come in and do dastardly things to me? Heck, maybe it was even a future movie star. If only I could come up with a name....

Well, there was that time I was the escort for John Travolta at the Kennedy Center Honors for an entire weekend. That was certainly humiliating and depressing -- I had a huge crush on him at the time and he never once made a pass at me. In fact all he did was preen in the mirror and worry about his hair for three days. Plus it was a volunteer position, so there were financial losses as well since I took time off from my job on that Friday to fulfill my duties. The whole experience gave me anxiety and was the reason I never saw Grease, which won all kinds of awards and everyone says was great. 

I'm calling my lawyer.