Like most people, things drive me crazy. Ordinary things that happen all the time. It's a wonder I haven't yet gone on one of those shooting sprees they have these days, except I don't have a gun and wouldn't know the first thing to do with one if I did, and besides I cry bitter tears when I kill a bug which I do only when absolutely necessary, like it's right there in plain sight on my pillow as I'm getting into bed at night and my husband is out of town. (This happens more than you might imagine since our house seems to be the chosen destination for ladybugs and crickets looking to escape Maine's harsh winters.)Anyway, the thing that drove me crazy most recently was a simple trip to the grocery store. I was in good spirits when I arrived but a raving lunatic half an hour later when I left. The problem was that other people were in the store, and as we all know, many of them can be total assholes. Today the Bow Street Market was rife with them.
There was the grown man who actually slammed into my shopping cart, repeatedly, so as to alert me to his presence. Apparently he could not get past me, and rather than saying something he resorted to brute force. I looked up from studying the kinds of tea available -- sadly they were out of Tension Tamer -- to see this Cro-Magnon just standing there, pushing his cart into mine again and again. "Are you mute?" I asked him. He shook his head no. Not exactly proof although apparently he was not deaf. Whatever, I pulled my cart over to let him pass, but my lighthearted mood had been darkened considerably.
What is it with people? Why not say a pleasant, "Excuse me?" instead of just standing silently while I'm lost in thought and oblivious to your presence, waiting for me to look up and then expecting an apology -- like I'm the one who did something wrong? I mean really, doesn't everyone have a larynx?
The same exact thing happened two more times while I was shopping. Seriously. Not the cart crashing but the standing silently with a pained expression, expecting me to have eyes in the back of my head. By the time I was leaving the store I was fit to be tied, whatever that means, so I was immediately livid when an old lady (and by that I mean older than me with white hair and old lady clothes and especially old lady shoes) suddenly stopped dead in her tracks to put on her gloves, and believe me it was not glove weather today, it was actually quite balmy, but anyway she stopped right in the doorway of the store so nobody could enter or exit until she was done. What is that? I wanted to hit her over the head with my umbrella, which I did not have with me, it being a nice day as I mentioned earlier, and probably wouldn't have even if I did. But I wanted to. Instead I got safely inside my car, locked the doors and screamed for a few minutes.
People. They're the worst. I tell you, it's a wonder more random shootings don't occur.
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