A Cynic's Thanksgiving

Refusing to cook an entire dead animal in celebration of whatever Thanksgiving is supposed to celebrate, instead I have chosen to cook just a small part of a dead animal since my dinner guests are avowed carnivores. While pot roast instead of turkey on "turkey day" seems almost sacrilegious in our culture, I actually know people who have lobster every year and that's worse, lobsters being creatures that are not only non-kosher but also live in crevices on the sea floor, which if you ask me sounds suspiciously like bottom-feeders. Yuk.

Anyway, this annual holiday looms large even though most people dread spending more than an hour at a time with their families. Still we all persist, and each year the advertisements touting organic, free-range, 100% natural, non-GMO, gluten-free, holistic, happy-as-a-clam-until-the-bitter-end turkeys scream at us at every turn. Piles of the headless dead birds literally litter the meat departments of every supermarket, making me wonder anew why this particular animal was chosen for wholesale slaughter each year.

As for the rest of the meal: those yams with candy melted on top remain a popular favorite, although not in our house. No, we don't do that. And since a pot roast cannot be stuffed, thousands of calories will be saved by avoiding the fat-soaked bread that is perfect for sopping up all that fat-soaked gravy. Happily we can over-indulge in dessert, homemade apple pie smothered in whipped cream, or possibly ice cream -- or both. And then it will be Friday and we can all be truly thankful that it's over, get back to the gym and forget those relatives until next November.