FISH OUT OF WATER

Apparently nobody in Maine can stand me. This is problematic if I have any interest in spending time outside my home, which I do less and less. The problem is twofold, I am guessing. One is that I am Jewish, and Jews are not all that popular here, like blacks and anyone else who is not a 100% white, just off the Mayflower type. The second is that I am from New York and given to speaking my mind, speaking the truth, and saying what I mean, which is also frowned upon here.

The way you make it in Maine is you wear a lot of bulky sweaters in winter, get fatter every year, go gray, and eat a lot of lobster but call it "lobstah." In summer you go out on your boat and eat and drink. You never put your dogs, preferably two black labs or two Golden retrievers, on leashes and instead let them crap all over the neighborhood lawns and think that's just fine. And God forbid, never invite anyone into your home, or onto your boat, or anywhere near your personal life.

This morning I was told that my volunteer services are no longer welcome at Maine Medical Center, which is a huge hospital here. It seems that the feedback was not good concerning me. The volunteer coordinator would not go into specifics, just like the time they wouldn't hire me at L. L Bean. All they say is "everyone says you are a sweet lady, but they don't want you back."

This time I was allegedly inappropriate with several patients. I am trying hard to recall if I ever gave any male patients a blow job. I'm guessing no, especially since oral sex is against the law here. Several times I did ask patients if there were anything I could do to make them feel better, but I guess they took it the wrong way. So now I am not even "hired" for no pay in the state of Maine. I am wondering how much longer I will last in the state of Maine, or even on this planet.