Uptight and Out of Touch

Despite my kosher upbringing, with the Friday night temple services and the Passover matzohs and the eight nights of Hanukkah candles and the schmaltz and stuffed kishka, my first marriage was to a non-Jew. His parents, who I loved dearly like my own, were textbook WASPs. They accepted me readily despite our opposing religious beliefs as we shared more important things, like a wry sense of humor and a love of Scrabble. Still, we differed in key ways, most notably my need to hug and their need not to.

Hugging is in my DNA. I'm pretty sure it started at birth and never stopped. Growing up I was hugged for this, that and the other by my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, neighbors and friends of the family. I always liked it and considered it a good thing, so naturally I continued the behavior with my new husband's family.

I never let up, hugging them on every arrival and departure. I hugged them on holidays, or when gifts were given or received, and for no damn reason at all. And my parents hugged them too, whenever they saw them and regardless of the occasion. After years of them politely tolerating this, I noticed that both my in-laws were timidly beginning to initiate the hugs. And one Christmas morning, my mother-in-law hugged me especially hard and whispered, "Before you came along we never hugged. Thank you for teaching us how."

That was back in 1973, literally the good old days. Today my grown son (27) considers my desire to hug him to be "a power play." He will neither give nor receive a hug, and after years of his stodgy rejection I no longer try. Our arrivals and departures are dry occasions marked by nothing at all, and with at least six feet between us. This behavior is apparently common among his generation, which may explain why the growing unmet need for bodily contact has spawned an entire cottage industry of huggers for hire. According to today's Wall Street Journal, clients are paying "$80 an hour, or up to $400 for an overnight gig" with what are being called professional snugglers. They spoon, they tickle, they cuddle. It's strictly therapeutic, not sexual, with no hanky-panky whatsoever. According to one 35-year-old satisfied female customer, "I felt transformed."

The newspaper article explains, "Touch may lower heart rates and reduce stress, according to academic research."  All I can say is, "Duh."