The Odd Couple

My husband and I are exactly opposites. The only thing we have in common is we have the same son. I am not exaggerating.

I am an artist and he is a businessman. He is always cold whenever I am too hot, and vice-versa. In winter I sleep with socks and flannel sweats and gloves and extra blankets and at the very same moment in the very same bed he is on top of the covers with nary a stitch on, and then has the audacity to open a window even when I am complaining that my nose, the only extremity not covered, is frozen. I have not gone into the ocean since "Jaws" and he swims out way too far while I watch, waiting for the water to turn that sickening deep red color like in the opening credits. He likes going to the movies on a Saturday night and I hate going to the movies anytime, but if I have to go I want it to be on a Tuesday afternoon. He loves red meat and I am basically a vegetarian. He is happiest when traveling and falls asleep the minute he gets on plane, and I like to stay home as much as possible and have never slept on a plane because I want to be awake when it crashes. He likes lying on the beach and getting a tan, whereas I think of the sun only as a source of skin cancer. He has tons of friends and many acquaintances and I have only a few who have to earn it. He lives to exercise and I believe going to the gym is sort of like to going to Hell. He thinks taking a plane at 7:15 AM is "roomy" while I don't really want to get to an airport before noon-ish. He flies first class all the time except when he is with me, and then we are usually in the last row of coach. He won't make a decision until the last possible moment and I decide a course of action the very moment the quandary presents itself. He enjoys scotch and bourbon and vodka and I think it all tastes like battery acid. He drives gas-guzzling, second-hand SUVs and I demand small, new sporty cars that get good mileage and are easy to park.

Despite all this we have been married for 25 years. I think it's because we both love our son more than anything else in the world, we are both addicted to Scrabble, and we both want Mitt to be the next president. Oh well--at least we don't fight over politics.