Thursday, January 11, 2024

I Identify as Outta Here

It's official: I no longer relate to the world. I have never heard a Taylor Swift song. I don't like football so have no idea who her boyfriend is, although I know his last name is Kelce. Yesterday I read in the news that their relationship is "all anyone can talk about." Except for me, I guess, although that was not mentioned in the article.

I regard politics as a pathetic circus that attracts and employs losers, egomaniacs, narcissists, liars, sex fiends and fools who are interested only in their own self-advancement, self-aggrandizement and enrichment gained from speeches and books written for them by other people nobody ever heard of.

Additionally, petty criminals, especially those who are not white, can easily steal up to $950 worth of merchandise in broad daylight and in front of witnesses and not be punished. At the same time, illegal immigrants, many of whom are miscreants in their native land, are given free food, free health care and free housing by the above-mentioned politicians while poor Americans who were born and raised here go without.

The most obvious evidence of mental illness in our species is war. People disagree about how to live or if there is a God or what God looks like or who owns a particular piece of land, and instead of discussing their differences they pick up weapons and hurl them, shoot them or drop them on the people with whom they disagree. Then when they get hurt themselves they return home crying and say look I have no legs anymore, I have no arms anymore, I can't work, won't you pay off my mortgage? Not I, since they went willingly, ready to kill complete strangers wearing a different uniform. What did they think -- that they would return unscathed? So now every paraplegic, quadriplegic or burned-off-face-person wants a handout, and in return for supporting their sickening behavior we'll get a free blanket imprinted with a picture of a guy in a wheelchair.

Outside of our species, the natural world is full of beauty, with birds and flowers and waterfalls and kittens and puppies and chipmunks and flamingos and peacocks and palm trees and little tiny frogs no bigger than your thumbnail. That's what I relate to. In fact, my new pronouns are chirp, ribbit and meow. Please don't bother me, I'm napping. (Unless you have some treats. )

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