President Who?

Former President George W. Bush in his art studio.

I honestly do not care who is the president. I also never know if I should write president or President, although I am sure I could find out in a flash. Anyway, I have lived through many of them and my life has not changed a whit, a bit, or a speck depending on who was in the White House. Following is a summation of how each of the presidents I endured impacted me.

Dwight D. Eisenhower, a.k.a. Ike: I was a mere tot and barely remember anything about him. All I know is that he was bald and his wife was a drunk, and things in the country were generally good although my parents, Democrats through and through, said he was a bore.

JFK: He was handsome and like all teenage girls at the time, I had a huge crush on him. My mother worked in grass roots politics and I helped her by handing out leaflets door-to-door in our community. Somehow she managed to be somewhere he would be stopping at while he was campaigning and thus was able to shake his hand, and so was I. When I was a senior in high school he was assassinated, which I learned during 8th period art class with Mr. Dehn. I cried for weeks and lost all interest in politics after that.

LBJ: Nothing comes to mind. Vietnam made me hate him, and it also made me smoke a lot of pot, which might explain my first sentence.

Richard Nixon: Total creep who sweated a lot on TV, was ugly and his wife wore a cloth coat. He had a cute dog named Checkers, or that might have been FDR. Watergate happened and once again I thought all politicians were evil and stupid jackasses.

Jerry Ford: Who? His wife was either a drunk or a drug addict and started the Betty Ford Clinic. Chevy Chase imitated him on Saturday Night Live.

Jimmy Carter: Loved the man, in fact so much that I took a job with the Democratic National Committee and designed the graphics for their Convention in Madison Square Garden in 1980, when he lost a second term. At the Convention I saw so much bad behavior-- half the attendees were in the bathroom doing cocaine most of the time -- that I had to leave early. I got to be on the podium the first night because I was having an affair with the Convention manager at the time. That was fun. (Being on the podium.)

Ronald Reagan: Completely ignored him, and his horrible wife.

George H. W. Bush: No memory of the man, except for Dana Carvey's great impression of him on Saturday Night Live. I thought his wife Barbara was cool.

Bill Clinton: Despised him from the moment I saw him playing the trombone on a TV talk show. What an asshole. I was embarrassed that he was the first member of my generation to become president, and he acted like a moron and tainted "the Presidency" forever by sleeping with an intern while he was in office. Also, he had a long list of affairs with other women as Governor of Arkansas. I never watched one speech he ever gave, and if I heard his gravelly voice on my car radio I would change the station immediately.

George W. Bush: The first Republican I ever voted for, I found him charming, funny, honest, and real. I loved his wife Laura and the fact that he spent his vacations clearing the brush on his Texas ranch and driving his truck. I watched every speech he ever gave, and whenever he was on TV I would sit down and listen to what he had to say. He has the soul of an artist. I still love him, and his paintings.

Barack Obama: Although I sent money to his campaign thinking a black president would solve our race problems, that turned out to be wrong. The man was and still is a total phony who wishes he were all white instead of just half. I never even watched his Inaugural speech once I heard he spent $50,000 to build styrofoam Greek columns that would flank him when he accepted his party's nomination at Denver Stadium. Despised his bitchy wife, who did nothing of note but ruin everything for the potato farmers of Maine by taking French fries off all school lunch menus across America. Way to go Michelle.

Donald Trump: I watch him whenever he's on TV, either at one of his rallies or a press conference. I admire his total lack of pretension, although agree he is slightly crazy. Still, he has very good ideas about government and a great sense of humor. I don't see him as a racist in any way. His wife is beautiful and deserves better treatment from the meanie press. Did not vote for him the first time but will next time since the Democrats are offering only warmed-up leftovers.