Something's Gotta Give

In case you haven't noticed, and you aren't paranoid enough yet, none of the people who supposedly know (more than us) about these matters appear to have a clue about how to handle the current global pandemic. Some say we should shelter in place and wear masks and do anything to avoid contracting the virus, while others say we should open up everything and come down with the virus in order to build up our herd immunity. You'll hear one thing one minute and the exact opposite the next.

First thing this morning I read that fewer people died in New York City yesterday than the day before, and then that the death rates there were "soaring" today. How could that be? And who can we trust? Does anyone know anything for sure? Apparently not. On the other hand, the scientists, journalists and government lackeys -- oops, I mean leaders -- are pretty good at telling us how bad things are and how much worse they will get, like that's helpful. I don't think it is, but that's just me.

So far what I have been finding slightly helpful is eating. Or rather, overeating. And not just any foods, but specifically unhealthy foods. For example, in the past two weeks I have ingested things I haven't eaten since my last LSD trip somewhere in my mid-twenties. I'm talking French fries, potato chips, ice cream, pizza and cookies, in large quantities and often simultaneously. Not to put too personal a slant on things, but this cannot go on: I have a limited wardrobe and a few things are already too tight. Something's gotta give, and soon. Seriously, it's almost bathing suit season.