I've never participated in one, but lawsuits must be a blast since they are more popular than ever. For example, Michigan State University will pay $500 million to more than 300 young women sexually abused by Larry Nassar, that nasty Olympics sports-medicine doctor whose unorthodox examinations took place while their own mothers sat in the room, often just a few feet away. (No mention of whether anyone is suing any of the mothers.) And an Oregon couple is suing a 911 call center for $10 million, claiming their son died in a climbing accident on Mt. Hood because the rescue team didn't show up soon enough to save him.
It seems that whenever something bad happens you just find someone to blame and presto, you're all better -- and also rich! So now I'm thinking I will sue the Wall Street Journal, and here's why. Every morning I do their crossword puzzle, usually with my first cup of coffee; it's how I start my day. More than just a diversion, it's a central part of my health plan. Years ago, after my mother died from early-onset Alzheimer's, her doctors advised me to keep my mind active since the disease may be inherited. They suggested daily word games as a proven course of action. I immediately instituted a rigorous program following their advice.
So far, so good. Then this morning my Wall Street Journal arrived and to my horror it contained the very same puzzle that had appeared in the paper two days ago, an obvious egregious error on their part. So here I sit with no puzzle to do, and I can already feel some of my brain cells dying. Naturally I will call my lawyer, as soon as I get one, and start legal proceedings. I just hope the money comes in before I've lost all my marbles.
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