Kickstarting a GoFundMe Campaign

I had a heart attack four months ago and today I am perfectly fine, but you never know. Because of that I have decided to start a campaign to get money for those things I really want before I die. Please send me some, since I am no spring chicken and have lost a lot of my mojo. There are so many things I want that I cannot afford. If you could find it in your heart to help, I would be so very grateful.

Your generous contributions will be used for very good purposes, rest assured. I am not going to squander it on drugs or alcohol. Here are the things I will buy:
1. A Jaguar. I have just always wanted one. Instead I have to drive an Audi.
2. A house on the ocean in Florida. (Nothing too fancy, a one-story ranch style is fine.)
3. A complete new wardrobe for our trip to Italy this April. (I have nothing to wear, really.)
4. Central air-conditioning for our house in Maine. (It gets so hot here in July and August, people never realize that.)
5. I would also love new bathroom scale, one of those digital ones they now have in doctor's offices. Mine is 21 years old and always needs to be recalculated. It's annoying.

Thanks so much in advance. Contact me here and I will send you the address for where to mail your check.