Strange But True

Somewhere deep in the jungles of darkest Africa there lives a small tribe of people unknown even to Anderson Cooper, although it is whispered that Brian Williams may have encountered them at one time. If you must know, I learned of them in a dream.

Through cunning and stealth, they remain hidden from the invading hordes of photographers from National Geographic and The Travel Channel. They do not take antidepressants, having found something better that grows in the wild and is free for the picking. They live without benefit of vitamins and CAT scans, egg salad and pizza, planes, trains and automobiles, Starbucks, Sam's Club and Planet Fitness.

They do not become plumbers or politicians, manicurists or divorce lawyers. They have never paid ten bucks for a so-so movie and six bucks for a bag of stale popcorn, only to have the people sitting behind them talk all the way through it. They don't get tattoos to look different from one another, counting on their own faces to do that job. Not one of them is tubby, chubby, heavy, plump, obese or just plain fat. In fact these words do not exist in their language, which is said to sound a lot like French and contains 57 words meaning "happiness" and 36 meaning "fulfillment."

They remain completely uncivilized, somehow surviving without antifreeze, probiotics, roller coasters and Pop-Tarts. Incredibly, they cut their own hair. They let animals roam free, even the dogs. Most importantly, they do not stand idly by, dumbfounded, as Donald Trump gains in the polls.

You've got to hand it to them.