Caspar Aside, Most Ghosts Are Not Friendly

Richard and me, pre-ghosting.

Wow, am I behind the times. I am just now finding out about a new concept in dating that is apparently becoming quite common. It's called "ghosting," and it means just disappearing without a trace. According to Wikipedia, "Ghosting is the act of cutting off all communication with a person whom you do not have any romantic feelings for — or whom you no longer have feelings for. What makes ghosting different than, say, just not talking to said person after dumping them, is that ghosting isn't something you announce. The cutoff just happens, and the person being ghosted is often left wondering, haunted by uncertainty and sending text messages into the ether in hopes of getting a response."

Yup, that's exactly what happened to me about three years ago, only I didn't know it! My closest friend Richard, a gay male, and I had been attached at the hip for about 15 years when we lived in the same city. Then when he moved across country we were attached by the telephone, talking several times a week at the least. There were visits in between, with each of us flying to see the other. Our last visit was great, and we spent four days together in Seattle, catching up on old memories and making new ones.

I returned home, and then nothing. Dead silence. No response to phone calls. Naturally I thought he died or was at the very least in a coma. I asked everyone we knew in common, but few people had kept in touch with him. I called and left messages. I cried. I was stumped, stymied and stunned. Finally, after learning he was alive and well, my best guess was that his new boyfriend had been threatened by our deep bond. Anyway, there I was thinking Richard had totally lost all his marbles, when all the while he was on the cutting-edge of a trend that is now sweeping the nation. How cool was he?

Maybe by now he really is dead, but that is no longer any concern of mine.