How Old Is Too Old?

You are born at age zero, and from then on you get older. At age one, two and three you are considered too adorable for words. Soon enough you are special just for pooping into a toilet. Then you're eight, nine and ten, still cute and interesting to adults, although by then they are starting to lose interest unless you are their own kin. By the time you're 15 and 16 you've got buying power and if you're a girl, your burgeoning sexuality is becoming your strongest ally.

The 20s and 30s are wrinkle-free and, but for tragic exceptions, mostly healthy years. In your 40s you are still invited to parties and people listen to what you have to say even if it's senseless pap. Then come the 50s, and if you're wealthy and successful and have had plastic surgery, you're still in demand. But if you're a regular person, maybe with a extra few rolls of fat around the middle or under the chin and thinning hair or worse -- none at all -- it's pretty much over in terms of your social acceptability. Basically, old people are meaningless to anyone but the people who need them for something, like babysitting.

At least here in America, aging is a no-no, which is odd because all it means is you have not died. Is that really such a crime? And exactly when does it become one? But take heart: You'll get to be special again if you live a long time, like actress Betty White who is 93 and considered very cool for simply breathing. So hang in there. Forget parties -- read "War and Peace." Take piano lessons. There's lots left to do even if nobody's watching.