Film Review: NON-STOP

Liam Neeson as a brooding, alcoholic Air Marshal.

"NON-STOP," a new movie in all-caps about bombs and terrorists and scary stuff in airplanes is just about played out in most cities, but it's still showing here in Freeport. So, it being in the single digits despite this being solidly March already, I went to see it with my favorite movie friend. It was instantly forgettable, but if you're a movie buff with few requirements, see it for the following reasons:

1. For the ladies, it's non-stop Liam Neeson. I am pretty sure he is never off-screen, and if it's not his face we see, it's his hands or his fingers, which are surprisingly stubby for such a tall man. Most women love this Irish actor, who at 61 is definitely still hot. Plus we feel for him, since his real-life wife, actress Natasha Richardson, died in such a shocking and horrible way in 2009. Since then he has fairly reeked of sadness, and he's pretty sad in this movie, this time owing to another death in his pretend family. (Poor Liam, boo-hoo--no wonder he drinks!)

2. Then it's non-stop confusion, as in what the heck is going on, who was that guy, how was he involved, did that even happen, and what are they whispering about? So if you are trying to keep your mind sharp, like to stave off Alzheimer's, this is decent brain exercise. It's like playing Clue without having to move any pieces or write anything down. First you think it's this guy, then you know for sure it's that guy. Surprise, it turns out to be the other guy after all!

3. You get to see an Academy Award winning actress in a film she made before she won the award have almost no lines and be completely invisible. This year's Best Supporting Actress, Lupita Nyong'o, plays a stewardess who adds nothing to the story whatsoever. But then again, neither do any of the other women, including another invisible stewardess I never heard of and Julianne Moore, the big star sitting in Business Class, plus a smattering of extras in Coach. Among them they have like six lines.

Two NON-STOP ladies.

4. If you are recovering from minor surgery, are worried about an upcoming colonoscopy, or just had a big fight with someone, it's a great way to forget about all that for awhile. This is Hollywood at its best!

5. It's the first movie (I've seen) where texting plays such a major role. In fact, the actual Texts were onscreen more than Julianne Moore, who mostly walked around aimlessly, sort of like she had wandered onto the set by mistake and the director said, "Hey, let's keep her in, she's cute." Don't miss the final moments, when after surviving a horrifying, terrifying and traumatizing experience, Julianne bats her eyes at Liam and the two of them act like they just met on Match.com.