It's funny that people always chide me for being too outspoken, for saying what I think, when really I'm just saying what they think but won't say because they want people to like them. (Me, I just want to be liked by the people who like people who say what they think.) My proof is that today's earlier post about the Oscars has gotten more readers than almost any other post I have ever written. In fact, I have received several requests to keep going. People love to read the very trash they won't say themselves. So here's some trash you already know but won't say out loud:
The Winners
I did not see "12 Years a Slave" because why the heck would I? It's about slaves. Who wants to pay good money to see enslaved people being whipped, raped and humiliated? Slavery was outlawed for being an abomination, so why make a movie about it? Just to make black people feel even more entitled to sympathy, reparations and Obamaphones? And if it was the Best Picture, how come it didn't have performances by the Best Actor or Best Actress in it, and the Best Director didn't direct it? An obvious ploy to keep racial tensions at bay, I'll skip it thanks. Besides, hasn't that story been told? Didn't they already do everything in "The Help" and "Django Unchained"? Just how many of these Slavery Was Horrible movies do we need to sit through?
Some guy, I think, named Jared Leto with very long hair is now all the rage. I had never seen him until on TV last night, and I must say that I was underwhelmed. But apparently he is very popular and won Best Supporting Actor for playing a person with AIDS who also was a transsexual, or cross-dresser, or something along those lines. This is also another cool thing to be today: gender mysterious.
Matthew McConaughey won Best Actor also for pretending to have AIDS. Again, I did not see the movie because it's about AIDS, which I don't have and thank God, and my leisure time is not going to be spent watching people dying. Matthew made a nice speech that went on way too long and became embarrassing when he named himself as his own hero.
A young Kenyan actress, Lupita Nyong'o, won Best Supporting Actress for the slave movie. She was very sweet and said things like "follow your heart and your dreams can come true," which was a veiled way of saying, "Not only can someone from Kenya become President of the United States, but she can also become a movie star."
I already mentioned Cate Blanchett winning Best Actress for "Blue Jasmine." Her performance was riveting and made me cry; I saw it twice in a theater, just for her final monologue, but now I think she is a fool because she doesn't know the meaning of "exacerbate," and yet she used it in a sentence in front of millions of people on TV. I think it's best to test unknown words out in a smaller group before going global.
The Host
Ellen De Generes is cute and funny. She was almost the only good thing in the whole show, although the ordering of three pizzas was beyond dumb. What kind of a hotshot celebrity is going to eat pizza on his or her lap when they are dressed up in fancy silk dresses and tuxedos with starched white shirts? And why too, when they are all going to big parties afterwards where they will be eating truffle mousse and caviar quiche and gravlax tortes and filet mignon and the like? Were we all supposed to feel closer to them because they eat pizza just like us regular folks?
The Hangers-On
Harrison Ford was either drunk or stoned, or both, which is fortunate for him as he likely does not remember how badly he butchered his few lines. Naomi Watts sported a brand new face, that one all the young actresses seem to be getting out there. Kate Hudson had on the very same face, and so did Charlize Theron. All three looked like statues, apparently afraid to move in case their skimpy dresses slid off of their breasts, which were also skimpy and looked like pancakes. Pancake breasts are very big in Hollywood these days--there was not a decent boob in the place unless you count John Travolta who didn't know the name of the woman he was introducing. And by the way, I think his hair was painted on. Among the living but certainly looking dead, Bill Murray is only 63 but looked decades older. He seemed to be up way past his bedtime, actually yawning on camera. Whoopie Goldberg as usual looked like a damn fool with those glasses sliding down her nose. I guess that's her shtick, and she certainly has perfected it over the years.
The Talent
Pink singing "Over the Rainbow" was the only talent in evidence, aided by Judy Garland on the screen behind her in scenes from "The Wizard of Oz." (I miss Judy.) That "Happy" Pharrell guy with the big forest ranger hat and the red hi-tops looked like he was off his meds, and his song was insulting to anyone who has any real problems. Hey, just be happy! Like us, we are all millionaires and beautiful with swimming pools and big houses and we are all happy! I suppose Bette Midler was okay, except I was so distracted by her cheek implants, which seemed to have a life of their own, that I missed her whole act.
Saddest Thing
Bruce Dern has been a fabulous actor all his life, is now 77, and has never gotten an Oscar. He should have been named Best Actor for "Nebraska." But I guess dying of AIDS trumps being old and cantankerous.
The Winners
I did not see "12 Years a Slave" because why the heck would I? It's about slaves. Who wants to pay good money to see enslaved people being whipped, raped and humiliated? Slavery was outlawed for being an abomination, so why make a movie about it? Just to make black people feel even more entitled to sympathy, reparations and Obamaphones? And if it was the Best Picture, how come it didn't have performances by the Best Actor or Best Actress in it, and the Best Director didn't direct it? An obvious ploy to keep racial tensions at bay, I'll skip it thanks. Besides, hasn't that story been told? Didn't they already do everything in "The Help" and "Django Unchained"? Just how many of these Slavery Was Horrible movies do we need to sit through?
Some guy, I think, named Jared Leto with very long hair is now all the rage. I had never seen him until on TV last night, and I must say that I was underwhelmed. But apparently he is very popular and won Best Supporting Actor for playing a person with AIDS who also was a transsexual, or cross-dresser, or something along those lines. This is also another cool thing to be today: gender mysterious.
Matthew McConaughey won Best Actor also for pretending to have AIDS. Again, I did not see the movie because it's about AIDS, which I don't have and thank God, and my leisure time is not going to be spent watching people dying. Matthew made a nice speech that went on way too long and became embarrassing when he named himself as his own hero.
A young Kenyan actress, Lupita Nyong'o, won Best Supporting Actress for the slave movie. She was very sweet and said things like "follow your heart and your dreams can come true," which was a veiled way of saying, "Not only can someone from Kenya become President of the United States, but she can also become a movie star."
I already mentioned Cate Blanchett winning Best Actress for "Blue Jasmine." Her performance was riveting and made me cry; I saw it twice in a theater, just for her final monologue, but now I think she is a fool because she doesn't know the meaning of "exacerbate," and yet she used it in a sentence in front of millions of people on TV. I think it's best to test unknown words out in a smaller group before going global.
The Host
 |
| Whoopie, push up your damn glasses. |
The Hangers-On
Harrison Ford was either drunk or stoned, or both, which is fortunate for him as he likely does not remember how badly he butchered his few lines. Naomi Watts sported a brand new face, that one all the young actresses seem to be getting out there. Kate Hudson had on the very same face, and so did Charlize Theron. All three looked like statues, apparently afraid to move in case their skimpy dresses slid off of their breasts, which were also skimpy and looked like pancakes. Pancake breasts are very big in Hollywood these days--there was not a decent boob in the place unless you count John Travolta who didn't know the name of the woman he was introducing. And by the way, I think his hair was painted on. Among the living but certainly looking dead, Bill Murray is only 63 but looked decades older. He seemed to be up way past his bedtime, actually yawning on camera. Whoopie Goldberg as usual looked like a damn fool with those glasses sliding down her nose. I guess that's her shtick, and she certainly has perfected it over the years.
The Talent
Pink singing "Over the Rainbow" was the only talent in evidence, aided by Judy Garland on the screen behind her in scenes from "The Wizard of Oz." (I miss Judy.) That "Happy" Pharrell guy with the big forest ranger hat and the red hi-tops looked like he was off his meds, and his song was insulting to anyone who has any real problems. Hey, just be happy! Like us, we are all millionaires and beautiful with swimming pools and big houses and we are all happy! I suppose Bette Midler was okay, except I was so distracted by her cheek implants, which seemed to have a life of their own, that I missed her whole act.
Saddest Thing
Bruce Dern has been a fabulous actor all his life, is now 77, and has never gotten an Oscar. He should have been named Best Actor for "Nebraska." But I guess dying of AIDS trumps being old and cantankerous.
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